Hey, you gunna eat that happy meal boss?

Everyone knows that America is the most obese nation in the world, but we aren’t just in first place, we’re pulling a Deion Sanders and high stepping into the end zone with this one. Being “obese” is categorized by having a body-mass index greater than 30. As you expected, with so many countries, every country is separated by one maybe two percent, until you get to the number two to one jump. The top 5 most obese nations read as followed 5. Greece 22% 4. Slovack Republic 22% 3. UK 23% 2. Mexico 24% and your undisputed champion and still undefeated 1. USA 31%. A whopping 7% increase from the closest contender is pretty impressive, and that’s coming from Mexico, a country that only eats tacos, burritos, and nachos, so if they ain’t close no one ever will be.

Now as much as the media tries to portray that obesity is such a problem and it is killing our people, let’s take a step back. I’m not a professional body builder or marathon runner so I’m kind of going off the top on this one but what has America really done to stop obesity? Alright making fast food restaurants offer apples and salads was a start. Everything under the sun coming in “low calories” and “fat-free”, O.K. we’re getting somewhere. Big empty concrete buildings charging people $60 a month to pedal on a bolted down bike and lift rusted iron, yea that’s popular now. Either way nothing can be done to stop people from being lazy and eating a bacon and cotton candy stuffed sausage patty on a deep friend peanut butter bun.

I'll take the one on the right with a Diet Coke please.

The other reason obesity will never slow down is because it makes way too much money for our economy, how much money you ask? This year alone “obesity industries” will likely top $315 billion dollars, and perhaps far beyond. That includes $133.7 billion for fast-food restaurants, $124.7 billion for medical treatments related to obesity, and $1.8 billion just for diet books — all told, nearly 3 percent of the overall U.S. economy. If you break it down even further it gets real fun to see how big of a fat ass this nation is. According to the consumer-research group, Mintel Group, in 2004 we guzzled down $37 billion in carbonated beverages. We also spent $3.9 billion on cookies, $6.2 billion on potato chips, and $57.2 billion on meals at restaurants such as Denny’s, Chili’s and Outback Steakhouse. So if you have half a brain cell in your noggin you can assume that 99 cent double cheeseburgers served to you in under a minute aren’t going anywhere. Simply put there is a lot of money being made by feeding our over-sized stomachs. So as much as the media crys out for a stop to this “epidemic”, the truth is, in no way shape or form is obesity ever going to be stopped.

I put together a few food examples of America being….fat. (Yes there are much more intense gross concoctions, but these 5 are actually worth trying.)

5. The Fat Elvis

A deep fried peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwich sprinkled with powdered sugar

4. The Luther Rory

A one third pound of sirloin topped with two slices of white American cheese, four strips of bacon, peanut butter, between two Krispy Kreme donuts.

3. KFC Double Down Sandwich

Two pieces of bacon and two slices of cheese smothered with the Colonel’s Sauce with two fried chicken patties as buns.

2. Kentucky Nachos

Potato chips covered in barbecued pulled pork, blue cheese, coleslaw, cheddar cheese and sauteed onions and peppers.

1. The Big Fat Ugly Sandwich

A sandwich filled with four cheeseburgers, a double cheesesteak, a chicken cheesesteak, gyro meat, grilled chicken, bacon, sausage, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, chicken nuggets, mac n’ cheese bites, fried mushrooms, jalapeño poppers, pizza bites, onion rings, hash browns, American cheese, mayo, and ketchup on two rolls. To make it worse there is a challenge that goes along with this beast of a sandwich. Finish it in 15 minutes and it’s on the house plus you get a free t-shirt, cool can I also get a new asshole with that too.