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7 Things You Do On Facebook That Make You A Loser

16 Nov 2009, written by Revelation 13 Comments

facebook_sucks
lately I have been getting more and more frustrated with Facebook due to the overwhelming barrage of garbage posted every two seconds. It is slowly turning into a spam filled heap of shit, with the help of power losers who support all this crazy nonsense. It is about time people are informed of all the things they do on Facebook that show everyone how big of a loser they are, so in a way I am just trying to help people, because that’s the kind of guy I am. If you partake in any of these crimes listed below you seriously need to slow down, take a deep breathe, and re-evaluate life.

O, thanks Kyle, now I can go on with my day.

O, thanks Kyle, now I can go on with my day.

7. Change Your Status Every 13 Minutes
There are many types of status changers that result in nothing more than people thinking you are a giant loser. One type is the guy/girl who writes subliminal messages to attract a guy or a girl when in reality it is making you look like an obsessed “swim-fan” weirdo. The ultimate loser status updater is the twat who thinks he or she is god’s gift to all humans and feels the need to let everyone know what they are doing at all times. I don’t care if you are chewing gum on your couch watching Grey’s Anatomy. Stop being an arrogant attention craving ass, and get out for a change, you’re not a celebrity, no one cares. The status updates that, by far are the worst, is when someone leaves a 5 paragraph song quote, reciting some depressing sappy love song. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, step out from behind the cyber space wall and actually tell whoever you’re thinking about how you feel, it will save you a lot of time when you the person tells you flat out that you are a creep and want nothing to do with you.

Additional information the poke button should come with

Additional information the poke button should come with

6. Poke People
Are you really using the “poke” button to get a guy/girl’s attention? I’ve used the poke button purely as a joke, but some people actually think this is a way of telling someone they are interested. If you for a second think by poking someone isn’t creepy/immature/ridiculous/ boarder line in danger of getting a restraining order slapped on your ass, you need to look yourself in the mirror and get a clue.

At least flush the shit down the toilet before you snap your model pics

At least flush the shit down the toilet before you snap your model pics

5. Mobile Upload Pictures Taken of Yourself in the Bathroom With Your Iphone
I don’t know what the thinking behind this heinous act entails. What I do know is they have this crazy gadget called a camera and you use it to take pictures. If you don’t have a single friend in the world that can take a picture of you, maybe you should stop taking pictures of yourself in a dirty bathroom and get out and find a friend. If you want to show off your new cool cellphone then you’re living in 1996, because even my 7 year old cousin has an Iphone and it’s not something to really brag about anymore. Taking model-esque pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror let’s everyone know you are A. a tool B. have way too much time on your hands and C. you’re a loser.

Really Derek? Really?

Really Derek? Really?

4. Use the Like Button Way too Much
Everyone hits the like button every now and then, it’s a decent little feature. It’s not a decent little feature when you hit the like button on every single thing ever posted on facebook. “My dog just got hit by a car and got both his legs amputated and is now in a wheel chair.” LIKE BUTTON. Why do you like that you sicko and why can you not just write a comment. Stop being so lazy and actually give a little more intel on the subject you like so much.

Yes you should leave this group, like now.

Yes you should leave this group, like now.

3. Are A Member of Over 200 Groups
The group feature is nice on Facebook as it let’s people who share a common interest collectively share thoughts and information regarding their passion of the subject. When you are part of 7 thousand groups you are doing nothing more than being a group whore. Take a look at your groups you have joined and see if they are really something you want to be a part of. When I see a notification that in one day you joined “I Love Slores”, “Fans of School Chicken Patties” and “I wear shirts sometimes” (all real groups) I can assume you need to join a group for losers.

clubpromo1
2. Promote For a Club or Bar
Everyone loves bars and clubs, everyone hates the guy/girl who promotes for bars and clubs. If you like a place, and want to let people know about it, tell them in person, and maybe give a shout out about an event from time to time. When you send out 8 club promotions a day it just gets down right ridiculous and rude. Don’t you realize not a single person looks at these club events and says “Wow awesome Club Bliss is having a top-hat party and the world renowned “DJ Play My Ipod Playlist” is spinning, I’m definitely going.” Is the free $10 dollar cover and free Bud Light drafts really worth your friends hating being friends with you on facebook? Get a real job and stop being a loser.

farmville1

1. You Play Farmville
At first it was Mafia Wars which is still being played by the mass population of losers out there, you just requested help in Cuba with the Arrange A New York Drug Shipment job, thanks yea I’ll definitely help…not. Now the big thing sweeping the loser nation is Farmville. You’re playing Farmville, seriously come on. When you let everyone know you just completed level 1 of Grapes mastery in FarmVille you are sending out your loser notification to the world. It’s not even like you’re playing a game that you get to be something out of the ordinary like a gangster (that’s why I give Mafia Wars somewhat of a pass), an alien killer, or master wizard, no no you get to live the life of a fucking farmer. If you actually play a game that you’re mission is to plant corn and plow fields of grain then you really have lost a grip on reality and have fell off the deep end.

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13 Comments

Reply

Carey

November 16, 2009 3:14 pm

I was a little nervous before reading this that I would be a “facebook loser” because I do frequently look at facebook, but thankfully besides enjoying the like button once and a while, I really do none of the above. Thank you zootpatrol for reassuring my confidence.

Reply

Dave

November 16, 2009 4:40 pm

Awesome article….laughed my cock off….It’s “definitely” tho, not “defiantely” and ridiculous not rediculous….

Reply

Kyle

November 16, 2009 4:40 pm

All I can say was that shit was hilarious. Funniest thing I read in a while. Nice work Rev. Get spell checker though, definitely is spelt like this not defiantly.

Reply

Ian

November 17, 2009 4:03 am

I MADE IT ON THIS SHITTY SITE! AWESOME! LOLZ U FUCKEN LOVE FARMVILLE DAMNIT!

Reply

Jots

November 17, 2009 10:25 am

4. Use the Like Button Way too Much

We all have that one friend who “Likes” every single picture & post you make…

Reply

Anonymous

February 16, 2010 11:35 am

I can’t find the like button to “like this post

Reply

hot carl

May 1, 2010 11:15 am

What about being a grown adult and still spelling “you’re” meaning you are, as “your”. If you’re going to write an article ridiculing people and calling them losers you should re-evaluate yourself first, that’s like elementary school dude. Let me spell that out L O S E R. Yes, you lost.

The Response to hot carl's comment

May 31 2010 22:48 pm

jamaica

sometimes we misspell words. that's quite common when we're in a hurry with our writing especially when what we are writing about is as interesting as this post. just because he misspelled you are as your doesn't make him a loser. wasting time on facebook's farmville does.

Reply

annon

May 2, 2010 5:08 am

hot carl is a LOSER… spell checking… is his job…

Reply

Revelation

May 3, 2010 5:09 am

hahah Hot Carl clearly plays Farmville and throws out pokes like David Hasslehoff. Roam the internet on Saturday nights and spot out spelling errors on random posts around the internet…….. LOSER.

Reply

Ravenheart

May 29, 2010 8:17 pm

You forgot the social interview spam people…Those people who have nothing better to do with their time than to sit and answer questions about their friends and themselves.

Reply

Lisa Houston

July 4, 2010 2:56 pm

Hahaaa this is so funny :L and for everone dissing the spelling.. Get a life :L it’s a really good article and I’m the spelling didn’t offend anyone.. I love this it’s hilarious :L x

Reply

robin

January 29, 2011 2:35 pm

I suppose doing all of those things could make you a loser. I guess writing a blog on all of the things other people do to make themselves seem like losers, kind of makes the blog writer awesome, right? Oh wait, it’s just as bad.

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