You can’t trust reporters. Not with the facts, not with the news, not with the politics. Well BREAKING NEWS guys, THIS JUST IN: Apparently you can’t trust them with your valuables either. Whether it’s a precious work of art, an old family heirloom or a shiny new Vespa, there’s no guarantee that a news reporter will do anything with your prized possessions other than shatter them to pieces. They don’t call it breaking news for nothing.
1. Let me just destroy your ice sculpture that took 80 hours to make.
2. Don’t worry about my microphone wire. I know I don’t.
3. Sorry I broke your painting, but don’t worry, you can clean it up later.
4. The only thing I could find in this poor family’s burnt out home was some coffee mug one of the kids must have made when he was little. So I did what mother nature couldn’t and finished the job.
5. ATVs are great for outdoorsy types. Unfortunately, I’m not one of them.
6. If it was one of a kind before he dropped it on the ground, then doesn’t it stand to reason that it’s even more rare now? Way to increase the value there, big guy.
7. A phone so rugged it can stand up to anything except the corner of a fish tank.
8. I didn’t get a chance to have breakfast this morning, so if you don’t mind I think I’m just going to pancake one of these kids real quick.
9. See ya’ Jose and Judy. I’m outta’ here. I will, however, be back in about three seconds.
10. You can lean on a sand castle, right?