You have seen her before. Black stringy hair, pale skin, coke bottle glasses. She is greasy and wasted. Her nipples showing through her Urban Outfitter tank top. She smokes American Spirit cigarettes and thinks she is too fucking cool for school. You think to yourself “What would it take to fuck this chick?” ,”I’m not nearly as cool as her.” Think again!! She is actually very easy to manipulate into the face down, ass up position as long as you know the right things to say. Hipster sluts only care about parties and bullshit and getting ahead in the party scene. If you make her feeble mind think that you are cool and important you might even get to cum on her face and/or her anchor tattoos. Maybe even wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy.

10. Tell her you work at American Apparel and receive a super rad 50% discount.

Hipster sluts love skanky, overpriced clothing. American Apparel is the mecca of super cool, coochie hugging pants. Their advertisements look like a 13 year old girls first foray into porn and are the inspiration of hipster chicks facebook photos. If you tell her you can get her into the newest nylon scoop back pencil dress for less, you will definitely get her out of her gold lame pants right then and there.

9. Grow a mustache or a beard.

Facial hair. The golden ticket. If you have a burly beard or a creepy looking mustache chances are you will be giving free mustache rides to the whole Lower East Side. Bonus points if you wear a flannel shirt and look like a child molester.
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Having gained Internet success with their baby viral video, Evian created a t-shirt in honor of the popular campaign, and boy is it awesome. The tees allow just about anyone to become a totally cool, hip-hoppin baby. The idea behind the campaign is that youth is not a matter of age, but a mindset…and if wearing this will help get you there, more power to ya. You can buy yours here, but sadly they were sold out within hours of them being put up, but hopefully they restock them soon so I can get my baby on.

I don’t know if you have ever met a Sneaker Head, but they are some of the most insane and passionate people I have ever met. I know a guy who has every single pair of Jordans ever made, never worn, mint condition. I met a dude who had over 200 pairs of dunks, and sold a few to send his son to a good school. I even know a guy who is so in love with Nike Dunks, he created a massive painting, called it Dunk Therapy, has shown it all over L.A., and sold prints of it at shoe conventions. There are very few things that get twenty and thirty-somethings more fired up about their youth than sports and fashion. This affinity explains the recent spike in interest in the throwback jerseys and shoes, and nowhere is that more clear than in the realm of basketball. It seems as though many sneaker lovers are in the same boat as me, interested in the reissues from their childhood more than in new styles. Ive owned every pair of shoes on this list, with the exception of the Barkleys. Gross.

These shoes got great exposure from Dee Brown’s “no-look” slam dunk contest victory in 1991, when he took his sweet time pumping up his Reebok Omni-Lites in front of the cameras.

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Spotted on display at the “End Of The Line Club” @ San Diego Comic Con 2010, a promotional event venue for Disney’s Tron: Legacy, as covered by Dave Cobb. I am sure there is an “official” name for these sneaks (“Adidas TRON” Legacy”?), but “Tron Shoes” somehow sounds a lot cooler.

The most comfortable high heels TORSION HEEL will be released be Adidas Y-3 soon. Having applied special technology originally invented for athletic shoes, they are amazingly comfortable even though they are 9cm high. Adidas Y-3 is a collaborative brand of Adidas and Yoji YAMAMOTO. Y represents Yoji YAMAMOTO, and 3 represents 3 lines, the symbol of Adidas. While I think these are awesome and bad ass, I don’t really know what you would wear them with. They are too casual for a dress, but too dressy for shorts. This is why I am a guy and don’t know shit about fashion, girls, you figure it out.

If anyone knows me they know my favorite movie is the Goonies, which is hands down the greatest movie ever made in cinema history, that’s a fact not an opinion. I am also a huge fan of weird and cool shirts so when I saw this my face actually melted off my body, I now look like Crang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It has “DO THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE” on the front, and a picture of Chunk’s face when you flip it over your head to do the truffle dance. You can go over to buy it here, but my heart sank when I saw all they had left was Small, so if your a baby go buy yours, but since I am 7′10 450 pounds I need a bigger size so I’m pretty pissed right now.

Anyone can be a hipster… Even a baby. Although they are really victims of their parents’ fashion regimes, hipster babies are just as cute — if not cuter — than any other hipster, which isn’t hard since all hipsters look like dirty new age hippies who haven’t showered in 7 years.

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This is the Handsome Guy Mask made by Rusty Slusser at SPFX Masks. I don’t know it’s as much as “handsome” as it is creepy and friggen awesome though. How cool would it be to go out as a totally different person and noone ever knowing your wearing a mask, I might have to buy one of these bad boys. You can check out their other masks here, which includes the inbred and old lady.

We aren’t too sure how everyone else is holding up, but its not looking so good over here now that Lost is over. I found myself sweating and eating peanut butter out of the jar the first Tuesday after the finale. It just doesnt feel right that I dont have Lost to watch on Tuesday nights any more. I take every chance I get to jump into a conversation about how good the show was, or what we THINK the finale was intended to mean. I got into one such conversation today, and a buddy let me know that he didnt really like the last episode, and then sent me this video. I have to agree with some of this stuff. WTF?!