With cars and airplanes and iPhones, it seems that the world we live in just keeps getting better and brighter (with the exception of a fledgling world economy, countries with less of a GNP than Apple, adult onset diabetes, cancer, US magazine, Swine Flu, etc.). But that’s not always the case when you really think about it. Sure, we don’t have to worry about the plague or invading Mongols, but sometimes I wish I did when compared to these tortuous modern activities.

7 Getting waited on at the Verizon store

Look, I know everybody has cell phones. I still can’t figure out how a company can have five stores in a three-mile radius and I still have to take a number and wait a half an hour before I can go through the long and complicated process of upgrading my phone without mysteriously having to update my current contract another seven years. I think you do it on purpose, Verizon.

That’s why while you’re taking your sweet time waiting on the blonde in the mini-skirt, I have gone around to every individual phone in your store set the alarms. The first five phones go off in increments of one minute. Then five minutes later another bank of phones go off in the same increments as the first group of phones. I leave the next bank with the alarms off to give you a false sense of security. And then two minutes later — all the alarms on the rest of the phones in the store go off at the same time.

6 Trying to leave the parking lot after a sporting event or concert
traffic jam

Is there anything more arduous and lawless than having than having to leave a professional sporting event race thousands of other people like out of a sports arena to a chilly car while crawling though hordes of ecstatic drunk people that you wish you were drunk as, but you’re too busy trying to escape the abyss of red lights and douchebags in Hummers cutting you off. And if you’re lucky enough to be driving a car full of people who are drunk and are screaming in your ear about going to Waffle House…this is why cabs were invented, guy. And don’t be afraid to make anyone walk home.
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Like always click image to enlarge.

Asking most Americans why they love Thanksgiving Day football is like asking most humans why they are so fond of oxygen. It’s been with us so long that we take it for granted. We just know that one special Thursday in November would be really strange without it. Not content with that explanation? Here are 9 reasons that we love football with our turkey.

9. There is NOTHING Else to Do

I’m not being dramatic here. If you’re not drinking wine or beer (or soda, if you’re an ex-addict or toddler) and posted up in front of the TV, what exactly are you doing? The only other activity on this day is cooking, which used to be almost the sole domain of the ladies. In this era of shifting gender dynamics, it’s feasible that men could be cooking as well. But there should be a TV in the kitchen, at least.

8. It Shifts the Focus From Family Interaction

Getting the family together is a wonderful thing. On paper. On paper, families are loving, understanding, and long for the comfort that only blood relations can provide. In reality, families are peppered with jealousy, smugness, and decades of passive-aggression. These emotions are suppressed until the third glass of wine, at which time one of the females in your family will cry. But with football, your liberal ass can sit down with your Tea Party cousin and ignore the elephants in the room while discussing how much fun it was to berate the Lions during the Matt Millen era.
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Let me start off with saying I hate Starbucks more then any human on Earth can hate Starbucks, I’ll leave it at that before I pop a blood vessel just thinking about the losers that go into those shitholes. So anywayyyyyyy believe it or not but the drink you order at your local Starbucks says a lot about who is actually ordering it. Some might call this racist or classist or sexist, but I like to think it only further enhances Starbucks’ “speed with service” mentality, by knowing exactly what the person is going to order as soon as they walk through the door. Here are how your typical drinks and buyers break down.

French Vanilla Cappuccino

If you order this, you’re probably:

White trash.

What your barista is really thinking:

This person has no idea what they really just ordered and will be back in five minutes saying, “This doesn’t taste the same way as the one at the Shell station.”

Continue reading the list below
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Poor guy, the only time he’ll ever meet her and he didn’t even stroke her hair. And that’s why I’m not allowed to meet her again.

Charles Bronson, one of the most bad ass actors of all time, doing his daily duty to America, killing hipsters on the reg. “Turn that down hipster, no one wants to here your playlist.”

When you think of cake you usually picture a generic vanilla or chocolate round cake with icing, simple as that, call it a day. By now you understand there are some sick weirdos that roam the streets of Earth and can’t just pick up a cake at Stop and Shop, they have to make sure you remember the cake they got you, well congratulations because I wont forget these creepy awkward cakes ever. P.S. the Tom Selleck cake isn’t part of the list, I just wanted to show you what the most beautiful bad ass cake in the Universe looks like.

Kitty Litter Cake MmMMmMMmMMm, nothing like cat turds for desert.

Massive Gross Rodent Cake. Yum

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Every so often someone takes a photo at just the right moment. Timing is everything, particularly in the case of amazing photography. It’s not that easy to do, it takes a bit of luck and talent, but it’s extremely satisfying when the perfect shot is captured. Take the photo above, I picture the dog bumping Run DMC “It’s Tricky” break dancing collecting money in a top hat on a street corner in New York. Anyway here are some cool photos taken at the right moment. You can also go to the website dedicated to just that found here.

Check more perfectly timed awesomeness below.
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