So you may or may not be familiar with the “The Face”.   If you’re not then I recommend you begin using it immediately.    It’s very similar to do doing the old “bunny ears” to people you are taking a picture with.   Actually only in general concept, it’s wayyyyyyyyyyyyy more intense.  Now don’t get it wrong, it does NOT involve making a funny face, the only face acceptable is the one that makes you look like you are trying to make yourself projectile vomit while looking straight ahead.  It’s good fun for goofing on friends but even more fun to show your disgust with total strangers.  This girl was having awsome “look at me!!” moment, so she thought.  In reality she was getting straight served with “The Face”

You've been served.

Growing up an athlete, and a super fine one at that, I have always been a fan of sports movies. Especially ones with heros that are quiet underdogs. This morning, I got to thinking, If I was to comprise an allstar team of the greatest sports movies athletes, who would I want on my squad. Alot of things come into play. Size, speed, determination, work ethic, and of course, the ability to be showtime at any given moment.

Going first round, without a doubt in my mind is Earl “The Goat” Manigault. Hailing from Harlem, this kid was born with the kind of toughness that can not be taught. At 6’1, he is a sleeper, but get him in the open court, and its showtime all day everyday. Legend has it he could pick dollar bills off the top of the backboard, and make change on the way down. This would account for a 60+ inch vert, which is pretty unreal when you think about it. He was famous for his double dunk which I can’t even imagine a modern day baller pulling off. What also makes the Goat a solid draft choice is he was never blinded by the light of fame, only the Heroin. He passed on roughly 75 big time scholerships, to ill in his old hood and hustle for drugs. He still goes number 1 because I think having that kinda of un tamed edge is important to build a squad around, and its comforting to know that he can not be compromised by big time agents.

Coming in at number 2 is undoubably the one and only Teenwolf. I base this pick based purely on intimidation factor. The Wolf has an appearance that has never been seen before on the hardwood. He tends to beast out and his eyes turn red when he gets in the zone, surely a daunting task for any defender. The Wolf is a little rough around the edges, and still needs to understand the concept of team ball, but with help, him and The Goat make up one unstoppable backcourt, also it keeps with animal nicknames, which is kinda cool.

Dog groom this suckkaaa

With the backcourt set, I turn my attention to the Center position. When trying to look for the skills needed to fill this roll, I look for 3 main factors. Size, Power, and Touch. 1 player comes to mind. Neon Boudreaux. Standing 7 foot 1, and coming in at roughly 300 pounds, there hasnt been a force like him, ever. Found in the deep Louisianna swamps, the only way to see Neon dominate the local competition is to take a boat into the unknown. After walking into the barn/basketball court, it is clear why Neon goes as the #1 big man. He attacks the basket with a furry never seen before, and seems to only be interested in one thing, punishing the goal. His main set back is that his brain has developed to that of an 8 year old. His SAT scores are so low he is not eligable for college ball, which is unreal based on the fact you get 500 points for spelling your name correctly. Ill give him a pass though, because spelling French last names is always a challenge. BUt lets face facts, were not building rockets, were dominating the hardwood, and for that, Neon gets an A+

I didnt know you spoke spanish

Now, on to the forwards. What more can be said about the position, you need it all. The ability to rebound, block shots, box out, score, assist, and mix it up with the likes of other truck like men who are only interested in inflicting pain on you in the trenches. This is where Saleh, from The Air up There comes in. Coming straight out of Africa, this guy has more raw talent than Neon. He plays on dirt courts, with no shoes, and is uninfluenced by the outside world. He also knows a thing or two about coming through in the cluth. In Africa, they play for more than a winning record, or money, they gamble entire towns. Think about that. If you fuck up, your whole town gets taken over by some outsiders. Try that on for size. But this is the kind of pressure Saleh revels in, and with the support of his new bff, Jimmy Dolan, the sky is the limit for this kid.

“pay attention hippo-breath”

Completing the squad is non other than Tommy Shepherd. Also hailing from the mecca of basketball, this small forward came equipt with all of the skills needed to make him an grade A bluechip. He could shoot, power you down low, and even run the break. Drafting him is a bit of a gamble, based on the fact he is a little unstable mentally. He watched his best friend Nutso fall 10 stories to his death when he slapped the backboard, broke it, and went over the edge. 2 questions about this. 1) Where are there basketball hoops on building roof tops, and 2) how fucking strong was this Nutso character. To BREAK a backboard by slapping it? WOW. If he was still alive, he would finalize the roster, but hes not, so Shep gets the nod. He seems to come around after mentoring the troubled Kyle Watson, and with the Goat on the team, im sure Shep will have his hands full mentoring that drug riddled addict back to health.

“Its more then a game to the Shep”