I love when I stumble onto a Craigslist ad like this. Actually, a friend from San Francisco sent this to me, so dont ask me why hes looking for European bikes in Williamsburg NYC, but Im happy that he was because this post rules. Check out the actual post here.
Stately Dutch MILF Magnet
Date: 2010-03-01, 11:20PM EST
This is a Batavus “PERSONAL” delivery bike. It’s black, has one speed, a coaster brake, a kick stand, chain case, racks, and a dynamo lighting system. I discovered it in the basement of the Smith and Butler boutique in Carrol Gardens last October.
I am selling this bicycle because my therapist suggested I need to come to terms with my attraction to african-american women. No sister is going to date a 34 year old systems administrator riding a european grocery bike. However, when I would cruise slowly down Park Slope’s fifth avenue, panties would literally fly off of every white or asian woman with a stroller and a master’s degree.
I live in Williamsburg now and the bike confuses most of the women here. If I grow my moustache out a little and explain it only has one speed “like a fixie” I can sometimes get to second base. But for the most part I might as well have a soul patch and collect classic cameras. If you want to get some action I’d only take this baby out south of Atlantic Avenue.
Spring is coming and if you like flat-assed waspy moms who went to Vassar, this is the ride you need.
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Living in a third world country is a breeze compared to the harsh every day struggles and problems we are faced with. Honestly picking out lunch from a field of garbage is nothing to complain about next to these pains in the ass I have to deal with.
I forgot about my coffee at work and it went cold, so I reheated it but forgot about it again, now it is cold once more and in my opinion, undrinkable. FML.
Parking spaces too narrow for my SUV.
My local deli sliced my meat at a 1 rather than a ½ and now my sandwiches are too tall.
I payed $3.55 a gallon for gas, and then down the street saw it for $3.49 a gallon
McDonald’s only gave me 3 BBQ sauces for my 20 piece chicken nuggets so now I have to ration them.
The restaurant didn’t have coke so I had to get pepsi.
I really want a burger, but McDonalds is still serving breakfast.
I had too much food for lunch and now I’m tired
I can’t get a 3G signal at my desk, only Edge!
My laptop is over a year old, and the fan is kind of loud when I stream movies from Netflix.
I took such a long shower this morning that the hot water ran out
The New York City subway is a strange place. Your in this iron box with complete strangers, and most of the time people just read, listen to music, beg for change, or break dance. Other times, you get mixed up in some shit. Some guy calling himself “Bloody Loco” decided for some reason that the guy across from him just didnt recognize his name, and wanted to make it clear, that he was not to be intimidated. He did hurl a lot of threats and mean looks at the other passenger, who sat there unfazed. I cant really figure out what is the funniest part about this video. Some random guy screaming his nick name in a strangers face, said stranger continuing to read like nothing is going on, or the other passengers who are so scared, they look like statues. Ohh, yeah, actually, my favorite part is when Bloody Loco says ASAP a bunch of times in a row with such passion that he almost makes me want to start yelling BLOOODY LOCOOOO!!!!
1. Raped by a Sharpie Marker
No, this isn’t the kind of ” Sharpie Rape ” you see in most schools that really just means getting marked on by a Sharpie (a permanent marker) unexpectedly. This is actual, sexual, penetration; using a Sharpie. In 2002, seven football players from Methodist College in North Carolina were arrested on hazing charges for restraining a freshman, stripping him of his underwear, writing all over his butt and smacking it numerous times. The worst part is that to “seal the deal”, as it were, the player with the most ironic position-name, Antonio Wilkerson (wide receiver for the team) sexually assaulted the freshman athlete with a Sharpie marker after everything had been said and done. He, along with the other Methodist players involved, were suspended after their November 14 arrests and did not partake in the team’s final game; unfortunately because getting benched, or even sitting down, was probably the last thing on the victim’s mind.
2. Cocaine or Dildo: Your Choice
Sororities are just as sexually cruel, if not infinitely moreso, than Fraternities. Looking at this list, it’s apparent that the women in Sororities are more interested in emotional and social humiliation than the males. Males tend to angle towards the physical feats of strength or disgustingness. Both (freely) exercise public humiliation, but the levels of both differ and definitely run deeper in female circles. FOR EXAMPLE…
The Hazing Prevention Center, one of the leading non-profit organizations working to eradicate hazing, receives hundred of emails from traumatized victims of sorority and fraternity hazing. One e-mail was from a girl who reported that she had to either use a dildo in front of all her “sisters” or take a hit of cocaine. So it’s either your morals… or your morals? Or your common sense vs… your common sense? It’s a toss-up, but an elicit drug that can cause permanent brain damage and is HIGHLY illegal or sexual, social, public humiliation? Which would you choose?
See more reasons below why joining a frat or sorority is the funnesttttttttt
At first you might think that we have lost it, but photographs of basset hounds running is a lot more amusing than you would think. These dogs have more skin than 8 golden retrievers, but are a third of the size, so when these little mutants get some speed going with their 10 inch arms, hilarious ensues. I know if not one person on Earth likes this post, at least I know my brother will love it, since he has been wanting to get a basset hound for the past 30 years, he is 28, you do the math, do it I dare you to.
A lot more hilarious basset hounds getting their run on and looking weird below
In honor of this year’s St. Patrick’s day here is a nice little video of the history of the legendary Saint Patrick. Knowing all about him won’t cure your inevitable hangover you are going to have tomorrow morning but at least you can drop some knowledge over a couple pints of Guiness with your friends tonight. And on that note it is time to start slamming them back.
The best St pattys day video below
There is a new site that is really blowing up quickly, and for a good reason. It is called ifyouwatchitbackwards.com and pretty much all it does is explain things as if they were performed backwards. For instance if you watch it backwards, SCHINDLER’S LIST is the happy story of German soldiers rescuing Jews from an unproductive factory, nursing them back to health, clothing them, and helping them move into temporary living quarters in Warsaw. Here is a collection of some really good ones with some imagery, then I also added a few bonus ones at the end.
Many more found below
You know when someone makes a complete ass out of themselves, or says something really horrible, and you actually feel awkward for them. Well here is a 5 minute video of that exact feeling, for the douche bag all star the Situation completely choking at the Roast of Donald Trump. It gets so bad people start to boo him, it’s so bad it’s actually funny. The best part is Ice-T at 3:23.
I think the last time I got a normal white guy as a taxi driver was when I visited Boston 3 years ago, and I use the term “normal” loosely. He seemed like an average guy at first, but then went on to telling us how he was in a gang, and pretty much hinted robbing and murdering people, so he had to leave the gang or he would end up a drug addict and in jail. So essentially a criminal was driving us around. But in New York, you are most likely going to get someone who doesn’t speak English, and not from America. This is all fine and dandy, especially if they have a funny name I can take a picture of and laugh at like a 8 year old, here are some prime examples.
More taxi cab driver name fun below
Remember this guy from grade school? He loved Atari, computer programming, and long division. And he also found himself stuffed into lockers on a daily basis. But then he learned karate, and everyone who used to pick on him started to fear him, least he pull out an immaculate karate chop to the back of your neck. And so Karate Kyle was born:
More of the hilarious Karate Kyle meme below