Unless you lay there like a dead fish, sex can be a great work out, and not only sex, but everything leading up to it and after as well. So everyone out there complaining about being fat, just start going off in the bedroom after you eat your 7 cheeseburgers and you will burn those calories right off, you have no excuses anymore. Below is the complete breakdown of everything done before, during, and after sex, and the calories you burn while doing it. And people wonder why I am 25 years old and weigh 85 pounds, well now you know why bitches, WINNING.

Calorie breakdown continues below, write this stuff down.
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I know, I know, everyone is sick of hearing about Charlie Sheen, but I couldnt avoid this gem. I dont even think that I need to give a background of whats been going on and where all of this ‘winning’ nonsense has come from, so I wont even bother. All Im going to say is that this video takes all of Sheens best interview clips, mashes them into one catchy song, and then to top it off auto tunes it. The best part is when hes just calling out things that ‘win’. How much coke has Chalie Sheen snorted? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men! Ok that was corny but it was a comment on the video. Like I wasnt going to steal it and pawn it off as my own.

College is a wonderful time, heavy on debauchery and light on real responsibility and during those four years (or five, or six, or…) you can get away with pretty much anything. Want to wear a tutu to class in lieu of pants? Hey, why not? Want to get blitzed and streak bare ass naked through campus on a random Tuesday afternoon? Screw it, you’re young and people expect you to be wild. But then college ends, and pretty soon you find out that all those quirky things that you got away with in college aren’t looked upon quite so well in the real world. I’m not judging here –- hell, I am guilty of several of the following myself -– but here are nine things that you did in college that you can’t do in the real world without people thinking you’re pathetic.

9 Sleeping until noon every day

With some creative scheduling you can pull this off in college. People will just think you’re a party animal and will mark you as a fun guy. After all, who functions before noon? But in the real world, people will just think you’re a lazy bum, an irresponsible man child incapable of straightening up and flying right. They won’t care that you are a night owl or that you didn’t get to bed until six in the morning because you were up until dawn drunkenly riding laundry carts down a hill on campus with your friends. They’ll just shake their heads and wonder when Johnny will get himself a nice job and a cubicle to call home every morning. Look, I don’t make the rules. Maybe you shouldn’t have insisted on taking that extra class so you could graduate on time. Sucker.

The list goes on below
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Its no secret how off the deep end Charlie Sheen has been the last few weeks. Im not even hating on it though, I think this guy is the best right now because hes being real. Why should he apologize? Hes never been late for work, cost them any extra production costs, and not to mention his show is the highest rated on TV. Hes getting paid 2 million an episode, what the hell did everyone think he was doing with his money? Stacking his 401K plan hoping the studio matched at least 50%? Lets get real. This dude is living, and tiger blood is pumping though his veins. But what if Charlie’s half brother Emilio was the one who decided to go off the deep end? What if the great Gordon Bombay decided to expose to the world how much Hawks Blood hes been drinking to keep up his life style. Lets not forget, Gordon Bombays license plate did say JUSTWIN. Coincidence? Doubt it. WINNNNINGGGGG.

More Bombay below
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Who knew deadbeat drunk alcoholics were also such phenomenal Yoga practitioners. Also known as Irish Yoga, here is a list of 10 well known and healthy Yoga positions usually performed on a mat during a spiritual relaxing Yoga session, with candles lit and soft guitar music playing. Next to that is that same Yoga position performed by the talented drunks of the world. If you are going to black out and fall asleep somewhere in public you better make sure you are in a relaxing pose to nurse health back to those wobbly legs.

Continue below for more hilarious drunk yoga in action
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I think everyone on Earth is aware of Charlie Sheen being a friggen gnarley gnarlington and winning in every aspect, so we aren’t going to post every time a new video of his awesomness comes out, which we probably should. But in case you aren’t on Charlie’s level here is your chance to start WINNINGGGG. Artist Alex Pardee created this kick ass poster inspired by Sheen’s winning all day every day. It is a 17″ x 22″ print with archival inks on acid free velvet cotton rag. You can buy yours here for $25 and decorate your walls with radical gnarlington tigerblood awesomeness. (The poster was inspired by the video below, Sheen doing work.)

vid below
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YouTuber cofauver grew a beard for 1 year and 6 weeks as part of a bet, and chronicled his transition from a clean-faced cub to a gruffy man, then wolfman, then statesman and beyond AND IT KICKS ASS. If I could grow a beard I would probably do this, but I have one little patch on the side of my cheeks where I can’t grow hair and it makes me look like a scruffy dirty crack head looking for spare change.

While we don’t condone racism at all here at zoot, we did find the humor in the successful black man meme. Successful Black Man is an image macro series featuring a black man dressed in business attire and a witty one-liner satirizing the stereotype of young African American males as street hustlers or gangsters who only care about cars, moneys and hos. The humor is mostly derived from the intentional line break in mid-sentence, with the top line impersonating a black male stereotype (EX: I Got the Best Hos’) and the bottom line suddenly falling flat in character (EX: Out in My Tool Shed). While some idiots will create down right racist and not funny at all posters, here is a collection of some really creative and hilarious ones, enjoy.

More hilarious successful black guy posters below
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This is one of those videos that just gets better and better every second it goes on. The quality isn’t the best but it does the job, and the two kids stoned and laughing their ass in the background do a good job of pausing and playing the video at great moments, really capturing this psycho’s excitement. I wish I got this excited for certain things, but until then, I will let this girl and the Memphis cheerleading squad, shine in their mosh pitting celebration, because these girls really are WINNING. (charlie sheen voice)

death metal mosh remix below
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