Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
Read on below
Stop complaining about your life and start living it, be grateful, you are blessed, you really are. (Apparently we posted this back in June, sorry for the repost but I guess it is something that should be engraved into your mind.)
College is a great place to learn and have fun. But let’s not kid ourselves, some degrees are as useless as the plot in a Michael Bay film. Here’s a list of 10 degrees that may be interesting, but do jack shit for you in the real world.
10. Art History
Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: With an art history degree you could maybe curate an art gallery or work at a museum or .yeah, that’s it. That’s all you can do. And seeing as how every art gallery and museum I’ve ever been to has exactly one dude sitting quietly at a desk reading a New Yorker and eating a food that requires chopsticks, I’m going to go ahead and assume there’s not a lot of positions open in the field. That means you’re going to have to venture out into the corporate world. And let me inform you, when you’re interviewing with Bob from the HR team at Wal-Mart who’s wearing a tie that has the twin towers smoking with writing underneath that says “We Will Never Forget, your art history degree says to him “I’m a commie a-hole who thinks I’m better than guys with 9/11 ties.
What Job You’ll End Up With: After your parents boot your ass from your bedroom to make room for anything that’s not your bedroom, you’ll wander towards the nearest coffee shop and get a job there, which will allow you to meet artists who will thank you for allowing them to put fliers by the cash register that inform people of their upcoming show that touts “the combination of art and flute.
Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: This isn’t ancient Greece: No one is going to pay you money, or allow you to sodomize their attractive son, in exchange for your knowledge of existence. Never has there been an employer who’s said “Man, we’re having all kinds of problems, I wish we had someone on our team who could reference and draw conclusions from the story of Siddhartha that would pull up our fourth quarter numbers. I took many philosophy classes and it involved reading and smoking a shit pile of weed. You don’t need to pay 20,000 dollars a year to do that. All you need is twenty dollars and a library card.
What Job You’ll End Up With: Thanks to your extensive knowledge of philosophy, you’re now self-aware enough to know that most jobs out there will make you totally miserable. So most likely you’ll wait tables part time and hope someone starts paying you for the bi-monthly entries on your blog.
This is a really powerful poem by Taylor Mali cleaned up a bit (aka censored) for a teacher’s inservice audience. I have a lot of friends, and know a lot of people that do not care what people do for a living, or what they do for people, all they want to know about your job is how much money you make a year, and that is the only important thing to them, money. Well those people really have to wake up and realize everything in this world isn’t about money, it’s about enjoying what you do every day, helping others become better individuals, being happy, and making the world a better place. So to all the teachers and every other profession that doesn’t make a lot of money in the eyes of your peers, thank you for what you are doing.
Oh, how things have changed. This quick decade-at-a-glance from i09 sums up the last ten years with numbers. So what’s changed? Technology has gotten unimaginably smaller and better — just look at the differences between an iMac in 2000 and an iPad in 2010. The world’s population has grown, and for the first time more people live in cities than in rural areas. China’s electricity consumption has quadrupled. And the costs of technology are becoming more apparent than before. But really, the data speaks for itself. Well happy new year, lets keep running this poor planet into the friggen ground WOO HOOOOOOOOOO.
The Judeo-Christian God is an epic troll. If you grew up Catholic, Protestant or at all Christian, then most of these iterations of this meme will hit home hard. These are all questions we’ve asked ourselves, our pastors and our parents that can be answered with the fact that the Judeo-Christian God, as a character, is a mean, troll-like, hypocritical butt-face. Enjoy the best of the “Advice God” meme, just in time for the holiday season.
A ton more from Advice God found below
Whether or not you believe that WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange should have released gov’t documents or not, you still can’t deny the intrigue of someone’s ability to hack high security infrastructure. Probably because all we know is click and browse and its so complicated it becomes mysterious and awesome. Or there’s the most likely answer that you just saw the movie “Hackers” too many times and wished we were ZeroCool. A new Swedish documentary “WikiRebels” is (4 parts on YouTube) covers Assange talking about the 1990s when he and other hackers had a backdoor into control of military internet for two years. It also touches on ethical conflicts between Wikileaks leaders. A WikiLeaks bio piece on Assange says ““As a teenager he became Australia’s most famous ethical computer hacker. After referrals from the United States government his phone was tapped in 1991, and he spent six years in court. He hacked thousand of systems, including the Pentagon and the U.S. military Security Coordination Center.” Hack the Planet! Just try not to get anyone killed please.
In 2010 there was a lot to protest. The BP oil spill, Conan vs Leno, The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, The Ground Zero Mosque and Proposition 8 just to name a few. And with every protest you will find a joker, expressing their right to be funny, because that’s the American way. Most of the people protesting things should stop screaming with a dumb sign in their hand and actually do something constructive about resolving the problem they are protesting, shouting and holding a dumb sign doesn’t do much for you or anyone else besides being the most annoying people on Earth.
more funny protest signs below
When you get stuck with an unfortunate name, the last thing you want is for it to be posted all around town with your face attached to it, but when you are a politician and running for office that is something that just needs to be done. These people must know when they start printing out thousands of billboards with their unintentional hilarious name, that people are going to get a good chuckle out of it. I give these people credit for still running for office and putting there name all over town, if it were me I would have got my name changed a long time ago, like this guy aka captain awesome.
More unintentional hilarious politician names below.
I found this graph really interesting because how the popular media portrays George Bush and how they say he was the worst president ever. This may be, I am not here to debate that, but the graph clearly shows the public approval ratings were always higher for bush instead of Obama except for the first couple of months Obama was in office. Just makes you think what other smoke the media blows up your ass to sway your opinion about something. TPM compiled Gallup’s monthly presidential approval ratings for every President’s first two years in office, dating back to Dwight Eisenhower. Each plot point represents the poll taken closest to the end of given month, beginning at the time of inauguration. Polls were not always taken at uniform intervals, so some approximation was necessary. In the cases of Johnson and Ford, who were not inaugurated in January like the other Presidents on this list, their data begins one month from the date they assumed office.