The list goes on below

8 Road trips

In college, it’s acceptable to just bail out for a few days with your buddies, pool your money, buy some, uh, refreshments, hop in the car and see where you end up. After all, school is stressful and you’re entitled to blow off some steam and recharge your batteries. Try doing this in the real world and people will just think you’re an obnoxious flake. Your family will freak out and report you missing and instead of a mildly annoyed professor waiting for you back home you’ll find a furious boss with a pink slip and a security guard with your stuff in a box waiting to escort you out of the building. Hope the trip to the World’s Biggest Ball of Yarn was worth it.

7 Looking like a hippie and/or hobo

In college, you can fit right in with a nice dreadlocks/Jesus beard combo. But in the real world, you just can’t get away with looking like a roadie for Lynyrd Skynyrd. I’m not judging. Hell, this is coming from someone who spent the better part of a decade rocking a beard that made him look like a Civil War general. I feel your pain. But in the real world, people will take one look at you and assume that you are either a drug mule for a Jamaican gang or that you live in a shack in the woods and write nineteen page letters to the local newspaper bitching about technology and “the man”.

6 Hooking up with college girls

This is a strange phenomenon. One day you’re in college and no one cares that you’ve been banging that cute nineteen year-old from your econ class. After all, you’re both in college so what’s the big deal? But the day after you step into the real world, you can’t troll the dorms looking for love without coming across like an utter degenerate. Being in the real world changes your social status. Age doesn’t matter. A 22 year-old college senior can hook up with anyone he wants and people will be cool with it. A 23 year-old hitting on hot coeds might as well just show up in an unmarked van with a box full of lollipops and Chris Hansen chasing after him with a bullhorn. At best, people will just think you’re immature and can’t connect with women in your new social milieu. At worst, they will think you’re a creepy old man. Naturally, the key is to stay in college forever.

5 Drinking until you puke

In college, everyone loves the binge drinker. It’s just the mark of a good time. So what if your bathroom/neighbor’s bushes/girlfriend’s blouse had to die in order for you to have some fun? It’s just the sacrifice that is made in college towns throughout this great land and we here at Guyism salute them for it. But start heaving all over your friends in the real world and pretty soon people will be handing you brochures for AA and ambushing you with interventions. Drunken puking stories in college are hilarious and everyone laughs and lightly teases you. Drunken puking stories in the real world are told with concerned faces and everyone shakes their head and talks behind your back about what a drunk loser you are. It sucks but it’s true.

4 Eating like a homeless four year-old

Nobody cares how you eat in college. If anything, people look down on you if you’re eating too well. It’s almost a rite of passage to live off of Ramen noodles and off-brand pizza rolls while you’re in college. A breakfast of Cheerios and beer will get you admiring stares. After all, at least you’re getting some fiber in your diet. But try that in the real world and people will treat you like you’re John Belushi in Animal House. In the eyes of the real world, a 22 year-old doing that is just a college kid doing what he has to do to get by. A 24 year-old doing that is just considered a degenerate who doesn’t know how to prepare meals like an adult. It’s not fair but it’s an unfair world.

3 Showing up to work in your pajamas

In college, no one cares if you show up to class wearing the same clothes you’ve had bonded to your skin for the last three days and a baseball cap covering greasy hair and sunglasses to hide the fact that you are now legally classified as a zombie. After all, half the people in your class are just hoping no one notices that they’re wearing different colored socks or their roommates’ tee-shirt that is two sizes too small. But in the real world, you can’t even walk out the door like that without the paper boy sneering in disgust and the garbage man avoiding eye contact with you because he thinks you’re disgusting. Forget about even thinking of heading to the office like that. Your boss would have you committed and your coworkers would openly gossip about you suffering a complete mental breakdown. After all, that’s what doomed Jesus –- his inability to properly accessorize. Pontius Pilate took one look at him and said “Hey, yo, I know it’s Casual Friday, but at least try to wear some nice slacks.” Later that afternoon he was crucified. It’s in the Bible. You can look it up.

2 Drinking on a random Wednesday afternoon

In college, no one really cares if you can blow a .18 on the breathalyzer at two in the afternoon during the middle of the week. After all, there’s always time for a nap and a shower before diving back into the fray later that night. But in the real world, if you’re caught having a beer at lunch, your boss is on the phone with security before you’ve even finished your sandwich and your friends are throwing AA brochures at you like teenage girls throwing their panties at a vampire Justin Bieber. Sure, it’s cool to mainline caffeine from sunup until sundown and no one will think twice about your eyeballs popping out of your head while you start to shake and sweat while scooping handfuls of Folgers coffee grounds into your mouth, but alcohol during the day is strictly for college students, construction workers and pilots. It’s in the rules. What rules? Who knows, but it’s in there.

1 Living in a hole with all of your friends

It may be acceptable to spend your time in college stacked up like cordwood with your friends in a tiny, overpriced shack with one working toilet and one sickly shrub in the front yard that’s been nearly murdered by a combination of piss and beer, and cleaning the house might involve you just hoping and praying that one of your hookups gets so disgusted that she decides to do the dishes before she scampers out in the morning, and you might be able to get away with using stacked up pizza boxes as a nightstand, but in the real world, that kind of living will either get you on a reality show on TLC or get you a visit from the health department. Maybe both. Sure, a girl will put up with you living in your own filth while you’re in college, because hey, that’s just what college guys do. But if you’ve been out of college for a while and you’re sharing a room with a dude named Brewski while a dude whose real name you don’t know sleeps on your couch and you claim that you’re protected from germs by a thin layer of Cheeto dust, then chances are any girl you somehow manage to bring home will be running for the door like a cheetah on speed. But you just had to graduate, didn’t you?

via

10. Blind Date Party

If I didn’t know this party took place in Paris, would I still think it was so scandalous? Um, yes. Held in early March at the Bar of the Plaza Athenee, this isn’t just your normal masquerade party. There is a special, ahem, “blind date room.”

In order to participate in the Blind Date Party, you must follow these guidelines:

1. Wearing a mask is strictly requested to participate.
2. Please do not accept the hostess Invitation if you are in a couple, or in a relationship, or don’t feel like it.
3. Please do not forget to be respectful with the other guests inside the blind date room.
4. Blind date time: 7 minutes.

The list and the debauchery continues below

9. Songkran

Everybody from David Carradine’s ghost to Sister Mary Margaret knows that Thailand is the epicenter of debauchery, so it should come as no surprise to find a Thai party (or two) represented on this list. Damn, Thailand… You scandalous! While some call it a celebration of the Thai New Year, Songkran, others simply refer to it as the world’s biggest wet t-shirt contest. The festival takes place during Thailand’s hottest time of year, mid April, and partiers cool off by throwing water at one other – buckets, Super Soakers and garden hoses are all acceptable. Although the original Songkran festival was a rather somber and reverent affair—a time to pay respect to the elders, where the water hurling symbolized a spiritual cleansing—young people have helped push the festival in the direction of wet and wild revelry.

8. Bay to Breakers

Bay to Breakers is a seven-mile drag race… err… foot race through downtown San Francisco with enough costumes, public nudity and public intoxication to make Mardi Gras just a little jealous. The party originally began in 1906 as a way to uplift bummed-out, earthquake-shaken San Franciscans. Now, earthquake or not, over 70,000 people flock downtown in costume—birthday suits included—to day-drink and be fabulous.

7. Russefeiring

And to think my graduation party was at my parents’ house!

A 300-year-old tradition that began as a Norwegian adolescent rite of passage, Russefeiring has become an insane display of youthful freedom that is anything but old-fashioned. Every year, over 10,000 high school graduates (and additional heaps of young, party-seeking tourists) gather at Olso’s Tryvann Park in what might be the world’s craziest graduation party. Think binge drinking, public intercourse and all-around public disturbance. Teens will be teens. Even if they’re Norwegian.

6. Playboy’s Midsummer Night’s Dream Party

Founded in the 1970’s, Playboy’s Midsummer Night’s Dream Party took a recent hiatus during the time founder Hugh Hefner was married. But it’s back in full force and has been running at the Playboy Mansion in L.A. for the last six years. The party usually takes place on the first Saturday in August, beginning at 8 P.M. and running into the wee hours of the morning. Refreshments include a sushi and seafood buffet and several open bars with top-notch alcohol, as well as trays of hors d’oeuvres and Jell-O shots, which are passed among the 1,000 guests by women wearing nothing but painted-on costumes.

Who Goes: Hugh Hefner determines the guest list, which has included friends such as Britney Spears, Leonardo DiCaprio, Owen Wilson and even Mini-Me. And don’t forget the bunnies.

Dress Code: There is a different theme every year, and guests dress accordingly.

5. Mardi Gras

With the motto “laissez les bon temps rouler” (or “let the good times roll”), how can one not expect to have a wild and scandalous time? I mean, c’mon, Mardi Gras has it all — crazy costumes and the “Three Bs”: booze, beads and boobs! Beginning on or after Epiphany and ending on the day before Ash Wednesday, it’s amusing to think that this religiously-based event is in actuality everything the devil stands for. That’s right, debauchery… and lots of it.

4. Exotic Erotic Ball

The venue for this party is called The Cow Palace in San Francisco, but don’t let that fool you! Once a year, Perry Mann’s Exotic Erotic Ball turns this former livestock pavilion into one of the sexiest places on the planet. The party starts with a sexpo (that’s a sex industry expo, for those of you not in the loop) where you can find the latest from sex dolls to butt-plugs shaped like the Virgin Mary – seriously. Think if it as K-mart for degenerates, and yes, it’s as awesome as it sounds. The after party is the Exotic Erotic Ball itself, and things can get pretty wild. Expect weird and wild costumes, a human petting zoo, body-paint bikinis, fantasy and fetish rooms, and thousands of guests. The Exotic Erotic Ball is like a mixed cocktail made from the hottest ingredients on the planet. Just add two parts masquerade, one part fetish party, one part burlesque, and a dash of rock and roll. Shake well, garnish with your favorite dildo and serve hot to 20,000 guests.

3. Hedonism

Hedonism is a state of mind, a wild and lustful way of life. It’s also a clothing-optional resort in Jamaica where wild and lustful are just the beginning. This all-inclusive resort offers everything you need to forget about the real world back home. Let your fantasies and carnal desires run wild! Start your day with a skinny dip in the crystal-clear waters of the Caribbean. How about a game of nude beach volleyball or a nude cruise, complete with a bit of strip-snorkeling? Once the sun goes down, things get even wilder, with sensuous cuisine and multiple bars for mingling, flirting, and hopefully making good use of the multi-headed showers or your in-room Jacuzzi. This place is a legendary getaway for swinging couples, so don’t be surprised if you get invited to an orgy or two.

2. Carnival

Brazil is sexy, there’s no doubt about that. The hot climate and hard bodies ooze sensuality and lust. There’s beaches, music, tanned bodies, and dances featuring gyrating everything. If that weren’t enough, they have Carnival, a weeklong celebration of decadence and extravagant, fantastically-costumed partying. In Rio de Janeiro and Salvador Bahia (two of the hottest hotspots for Carnival), the streets get completely packed with bronzed bodies, wearing little more than Brazilian-style bikinis, and bright, feathered head dresses. Participants whirl around in outlandish costumes, whipped into a feverous frenzy by the samba-reggae rhythms. If you’re going to go to Brazil, and you’re looking for a taste of that sultry Brazilian style, Carnival will blow your freakin’ mind.

1. Love Parade

You’d expect a festival founded on love, peace, and togetherness to be full of hippies celebrating the wonders of patchouli and power crystals. But in reality, Germany’s Love Parade is full of sexy exhibitionists celebrating decadence and skimpy outfits – not to mention their love of electronic music and ecstasy. The number of participants has varied wildly in the last few years, partially due to legal issues and commercial sponsorship, turning some people off of the event. Either way, the throbbing multitude of costumed partiers and the rumble of Europe’s top house DJs should keep the love alive. Expect drugs, public sex, and non-stop after-parties in cavernous warehouses. This is the epitome of the Euro-rave scene. If you can’t get laid here, there’s probably no hope for you.

via

More amazing photography and videos of the natural awesomeness of the Waimea River below

More Waimea River Wave Shredding

Andddddddd 1 more because it is that awesome

Surfing Waimea River from Paul Lethaby on Vimeo.

All photography from Sean Davey Photography. You can check out his website for other great photography at his website found here.

8. Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes – Star Wars

Biths can wail. Look at those big noggins. They just “get” musical complexity and hot lyrical rhythms. A band with the talent of the Modal Nodes, led by the Kloo Horn-playing leader, Figrin D’an, rocked the Mos Eisley Cantina with ease. And in A New Hope, the Nodes preside over one of the greatest bar scenes captured on film. You would totally hang out in that cantina. It just looks like fun. Even if Rodian bounty hunters are getting capped and giant walrus-looking dudes are getting their arms light-sabered off. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. With the right soundtrack, that sounds like a pretty good Saturday.

7. Stillwater – Almost Famous

Modeled after blues rockers like The Allman Brothers and Led Zeppelin, Cameron Crowe’s Stillwater was a romantic take on the hedonistic bands of the ’70s and their ultimate rise and fall. Living through what Phillip Seymor-Hoffman’s Lester Bangs described as rock ‘n’ roll’s “death rattle,” Stillwater embodied a litany of the sins and lessons of the age of rock lifestyle. The over-talented lead guitarist, the jealous frontman, the self-delusional groupies and the wide-eyed fan/writer – it all coalesced into a unique vision of many of our rock heroes. With songs composed by legend Peter Frampton and Crowe’s own wife, Nancy Wilson of Heart, the soundtrack rocked hard and lent a fuzzed-out heavy authenticity to the movie.

6. The Beets – Doug

The Beatles or the Rolling Stones? Who needs to pick when you have the Beets? Taking the best sounds and looks from both groups, the Beets are essentially a British invasion band, only, you know, thirty years late.

5. Lip-C Plus The Nerds- Revenge of the Nerds

it’s one thing for a bunch of people to believe in a cause and try to think of some awesome way to get people to vote for your cause, but the nerds, with the help of the awesome beastie boy reject lip-c, create the catchiest song for a proposition ever, no on 15! you know the song, right? well it sticks in my head fo sho.

4. The Lone Rangers – Airheads

They’re better than the sons of thunder, right? but they don’t wear sellout bullshit like dr. seuss hats so they can’t seem to get a break. good thing they’ll get some radio time if that tape they bring to the radio station doesn’t get ruined OH NO, it’s ruined. well they get to play in front of the cops and then later the prisoners whom they share prison with so that’s fun.

3. Crucial Taunt – Wayne’s World

O.K. crucial taunt is awesome right? but all they do is play other bands songs when they play live so as much as i love you guys, you’re not the best ever. i love why you wanna break my heart and all, but come on, you have ONE shot to impress mr. big in the limo when he’s driving through aurora on his way to detroit, and you play ballroom blitz!? whatever you’re still the best.

2. The Zack Attack – Saved By The Bell

On cheesy teenage sitcoms, reality can be fungible. Saved by the Bell often let its main characters provide the soundtrack, but it wasn’t fussy about the format: the gang lip-synched tunes at sock hops, costume balls and in their own homes. The girls cut a workout-themed music video and nearly landed a record deal, until Jessie Spano showed America what happens when you dabble with pills. But the pinnacle of the show’s musical obsession was a Casey Kasem-hosted episode chronicling the Zack Attack’s dizzying rise from garage band to worldwide pop sensation. The plot was plucked straight from Behind the Music: there were strobe-lit concerts, asinine press conferences, regrettable hairstyles, a British producer, a manipulative publicist, an award show speech that revealed the group’s impending fractures, and — finally — the profound realization that fame changes people. In true early-’90s TV fashion, though, it turned out the whole thing was just a dream.

1. Spinal Tap – This Is Spinal Tap

This is kind of a no brainer for the best fake band of all time turned award winning real band.

Blood Bros: Heaven2Hell by maddecent

Mixtape 1, First Blood, as well as the track listings for each mixtape found below

And here is volume 1 “Blood Bros – First Blood” which started it all. Put this mix on when you are training on the beach, hitting the bag, chopping wood, running up/down a mountain, or generally doing anything which requires involves fierce determination and focus to win. BLOOD BROS!

Blood Bros: First Blood by maddecent

via, via

Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Read on below

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

More life truths, lessons, and advice below.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

27. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.

Check below for screen-shots of zootpatrol in action on Pulse, and to get a better idea how it looks and works.

The featured site tab

Your list of websites you choose to put in your feed

When you click on a post it opens it up within the application

You are able to send links via facebook, twitter, email, etc.