Kris Kuksi’s Sculptures Define Detail

20 Nov 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Kris Kuksi was born March 2, 1973, in Springfield Missouri and growing up in neighboring Kansas, Kris spent his youth in rural seclusion and isolation along with a blue-collar, working mother, two much-older brothers and an absent father. Open country, sparse trees, and alcoholic stepfather, perhaps paved the way for an individual saturated in imagination and introversion. His fascination with the unusual lent to his macabre art later in life. The grotesque to him, as it seemed, was beautiful. Reaching adulthood his art blossomed and created a breakthrough of personal freedom from the negative environment experienced during his youth. He soon discovered his distaste for the typical American life and pop culture, feeling that he has always belonged to the ‘Old World’. Yet, Kris’ work is about a new wilderness, refined and elevated, visualized as a cultivation emerging from the corrupt and demoralized fall of modern-day society. A place were new beginnings, new wars, new philosophies, and new endings exist. text via Kris Kuksi
His sculptures are so detailed that every little inch of the piece captures a different act. No pricing is officially listed on his works, but it is said that they catch between $6,000 to $10,000 each. One of these would be the iconic point of your home, having visitors be able to stare at it for hours in awe of the intricacy of the sculpture.

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Ricky Knowles On Booze

20 Nov 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments

rickyboozePractically everyone I know loves to drink at least once in a while. Nothing can celebrate something great in your life, or get you out of a rut like a nice stiff drink of your choice. The problem with my drinking habits however is that I still can’t drink casually. Drinking one beverage automatically triggers the desire to drink until I get the pre-puke hiccups. I’d rather drink a stirred “beagle piss on the rocks” then be teased with a couple beers, only to be forced to abruptly stop pounding.

Casual drinking is for babies

Casual drinking is for babies

I still drink to get fucked up. Not to sound cool, I’ve been drinking since I was 13. I have fond teenage memories of my brother and I stealing the same bottles of booze from my mom. When I’d try to steal some vodka, my drink would just taste like watered down Sprite. That bastard would always get to it first and fill it back up with some water. Vodka magically froze in the freezer thanks to us. Despite drinking for a while, I still black out on a regular basis. I know my limits but still find a need to push my limits towards retardation. Nothing positive ever comes from being blacked out. You either fuck a wildebeest, drive into a pre-school’s playground slide, or simply wake up confused in a jail-cell with a mustard stained wife beater and assless chaps showing your backwards underwear you have on. It’s always tough when the boxer dick hole exposes your asshole. Awful things like this are expected, considering that when you drink your ass off you are poisoning your body, but more specifically your brain. When you’re blacked out your brain gets pissed off and says, “Fuck this, you’re on your own buddy.” It takes a first class flight to a quaint tropical island called St. Blackouticus until morning. While your brain is on holiday sipping pina coladas by the pool, your body is left to fend for itself on autopilot.

Have a nice trip to Blackoutville

Have a nice trip to Blackoutville


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Top 7 Things Kids Are Missing Out On Nowadays

19 Nov 2009, written by Revelation 3 Comments

The other day I was in line at McDonald’s and saw four kids, I’d say about 12ish, alone sitting at a table. I expected these gremlins to start squirting Mountain Dew on each other, and having pickle races on the front window. I didn’t get to see that, I didn’t even see these machines speak one word to each other. They all just had their heads down, smashing away on their Nintendo DS’s, while shoveling french fries down their fat faces. Usually I would shrug this off and continue to get my 6 things from the dollar menu, but I realized how lame kids are getting now a days. I decided to put together a list of the top 7 things kids will never experience again. Lets start with number 7….
7. Wild School Bus Rides
When I first got my license I seriously had a phobia of driving behind school buses. These little shit heads kept the tradition alive of giving me the finger, pointing and laughing at me (obviously making fun of me for driving a 1991 Chevy Cavalier), and making my drive for the next 15 minutes very awkward. I would always laugh as soon as I passed them up, because I did the exact same thing. When I was in elementary school the whole bus had arm wrestling tournaments on that big metal table, right next to the bus driver, before we left. When we did get on route, we tormented the driver behind us (because I obviously sat in the back, I wasn’t a loser) and threw shit across the bus like mini Joe Montana’s. In correlation with my McDonald’s experience, kids these days just sit in their seat like they are in a coma. Maybe it is because you have to wear a seat belt now, maybe because they are being filmed by a security camera, or maybe because they are all playing Nintendo DS. What I do know is I was a boss on the bus, no parents, no rules, no worries.

Peace out nerd

Peace out nerd

6. Dodge Ball And Other Gym Class Games
Dodgeball has been out of schools for a few years now which is really a shame, but now it has been taken to the next level. Recently schools have been enforcing bans on all contact sports in school, in addition to the ban of games such as “Tag”, “Red Rover” , and “Capture the Flag”. What the hell do these idiots expect kids to do in gym class now, power sprint on treadmills? A major problem in America is obesity and gym class and recess is a great time for kids to be active and work up a sweat. During a good game of capture the flag I would drop at least 6 pounds. I don’t know if America is just becoming pussies, or if all the nerds that got picked on in these games as kids are now making the decisions. I feel bad for today’s youth that they will never know the pleasurable feeling of running up with a dodge ball, when another kid is throwing another direction, and wailing that geek square in the face with a 65 mph fast ball. Better yet, the tag team effort in Red Rover when you and your pals lock arms and hunt down a fat kid and clothes line him like the Legion of Doom. No, kids will never be able to kick ass in gym class anymore, instead they will be yoga enthusiasts.

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The Smart Hand

19 Nov 2009, written by Riz 0 Comments


Swedish and Italian scientists have created the first robotic hand to give amputees a sense of touch. When pressed against an object the 40 sensors in the Smarthand are activated. They are surgically connected to nerves in the arm, allowing the person to regain the feeling of having use of all of their limbs. and finally making the idea of iRobots a dream come true for most people.

“The Smart Hand is a highly innovative, interdisciplinary project, combining forefront research from material sciences and information technologies with cognitive neuroscience to solve a major societal problem, namely; the development of an artificial hand displaying all the basic features of a real human hand.”

Even though I am not for robots taking over the world, I am no John Connor and will not be leading the resistance against this project. This is awesome, as well as inspiring. For so long people who have been devistated by such a traumatic injury were left with no hope in ever gaining feeling in their limbs again, until now.

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Miss Feeney’s Ties Are Bringing Sexy Back

19 Nov 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Miss Feeney’s Ties bring sexy back to the fashion of furnishings. Styles lovingly re-created in the tradition of “peek-a-boo” accents from the 40s and 50s, when a gentleman knew how to dress. Dashing and debonair were the order of the day, and sexy secrets were one’s own to keep. Inspired by her Grandfather, a pioneer in the world of men’s apparel, Marie Shepard created Miss Feeney’s Finery to pay homage to his life’s work. “My Grandfather was constantly seeking new twists to add to his designs – in business and in life, he was always just a little bit of a maverick – ahead of the curve. The Peek-a-boo Tie was definitely representative of his humor and style. I am truly tickled to be bringing it back. I know he would be, too.” These ties are a way to let everyone know your the “Big Cheese” without having to ever say a word. When you want to get decked out, go classy and ritzy. These assure for a keen look for the strong silent type, and when someone questions a move of yours, just flash the hot babe on the back of your tie, they will get the point.

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Gnarly Horse Surfing

19 Nov 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments

A thoroughbred gallops through the shallow waters of the ocean and is doing what? Yes that thoroughbred is pulling a man on a wake board through the foot deep waters, landing jumps and flips over the incoming breaks. This extreme action is horse surfing, the newest extreme sport combining the raw power of an animal and the gnarly skills of a wake or kite boarder. A tow rope is attached to a special saddle, and the boarder is dragged along as horse and rider thunder along the shoreline. “Like environmentally friendly wakeboarding,” is how guinea pig kite surfer Denzil Williams described it. Instead of harnessing the force of the wind or the thrust of a speedboat, horse surfers literally harness the power of the horse.

This will for sure raise a few eyebrows in the sense of the treatment on the horses. We use horses to escort rich tourists through New York, use them as police barricades, and shoot them if they don’t win the Kentucky Derby, so I think we should let these horses have some fun in the sun and pull a wake boarder doing 30 mph.

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Please Don’t Promise Me Forever

19 Nov 2009, written by Riz 1 Comments

I can’t promise you forever, but I can promise you right now.

Here’s the scoop: It’s 1976 and a man named Rick has been super quiet about his latest job. He has a mustache and that alone makes him worth liking. He has dreams of writing the next great American novel, but to make ends meet, he’s currently working for Hallmark. The only thing he reveals to his girlfriend is that this will be the first time Hermann Zapf’s Crown font is used in a publication.

His relationship is suffering slightly. He forgot his girlfriend’s birthday, then their anniversary, and she has been snapping at him quite often.

It’s Valentines Day, and Rick finally is able to tell his girlfriend why he has been so quiet and secretive about his job. He has been working on a project all about her. A book about how he feels about their life together, and the love he feels for her.

This book is so awesome because Rick was not trying to write a sappy love letter/novel like so many other failed romantics do. He incorporated photos of his time with his girlfriend, and he laid all the cards on the table. He wanted her to know that he is not perfect, and neither is she, but together they can be something wonderful. This book contains 22 color photos and pages, which are all here, so, make sure you view them all after the jump.

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Amazing Leopard Seal Video

18 Nov 2009, written by Riz 0 Comments
Game over little duckling that likes to hang out on the ice in seal infested waters

Game over little duckling that likes to hang out on the ice in seal infested waters

This video chronicles an encounter that National Geographic photographer Paul Nicklen had with a giant leopard seal in Antarctica who, over the course of four days, fed penguins to his camera and tried to teach him how to catch prey. As stated in the early portion of this video, this was the biggest Leopard Seal that the photographers from National Geographic had ever seen. Good thing it decided to play nice. Leopard seals are the best. So helpful. I had a couple too many drinks last Saturday and one gave me a lift home in a rickshaw. Totally nice guy, wouldn’t accept a tip though.

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Brass Knuckles Can Be Inspiring

18 Nov 2009, written by Riz 0 Comments


We here at ZootPatrol are always trying to bring you the coolest and newest things out there. If your an avid reader, then you already know that. No applause needed, we know we rule. Anyway, we did a post about a week ago on how to decorate your apartment if you are a man, surrendering to the power of your girl, and one of the items was an umbrella that doubled as a pair of brass knuckles. That got me to thinking, what other regular every day items have been converted to brass knuckles. Check out some of these images, and if you are really that much of a tough ass that you need to wash yourself while simulating a bar room brawl, then shoot me an email, ill send you the buying info.

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Late Night Humor: Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis

17 Nov 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments Continue reading 'Late Night Humor: Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis'

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