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I Want That! A Beer Belly?

05 Oct 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments

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the-beer-bellyWe wouldn’t be going too far out on a limb if we proposed that beer improves just about any situation, even running a marathon. Much to our chagrin though, beer isn’t always allowed in every setting, at least if you’re the rule-following type and don’t live in Montana. But as the saying goes, where there’s a will there’s a way, and, thanks to the rocket scientists over at Cooler Fun LLC, the Beer Belly is your freedom pass to hops-inspired levity, anytime, anywhere. Designed to be hidden under clothing, the beer belly consists of a 80oz wide-mouthed bladder and a neoprene, skin-toned sling. Simply put it on, fill it up, and throw concerns for personal image out the window along with a small component of self respect – from there you’re good to go. So forget waiting on those long lines, we found a solution for you.(You can buy it here.)

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Your Face Makes A Great Canvas

05 Oct 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments

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James Kuhn is an American artist who creates incredible face paintings using his own face as a canvas. The 46-year old artist is halfway through his project to create a design for his face every day for a year, which he began in March after he was snowed in by 12 inches of snow and had to miss work.
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James got the inspiration from photo exhibitions of a picture a day. His 365 creations range from cartoon characters and animals to his favorite foods. “I really have become totally obsessed with face painting and I think about what I can do next all the time.” James says on his blog. The artist says the worst part is painting the inside of his nostrils, as he ends up spitting them for hours. He says he’s been an artist all his life, and even drew pictures in his oatmeal as a child. I’m still not sure if Kuhn’s is a genius, or just bat shit crazy. Either way, his art is pretty incredible, and original to say the least. Watch this video of more of his art work. (click here for his 365 day project.)
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BONUS: I had to add this clip because honestly it freaks me out.

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What Storm Troopers Do On Their Day Off.

04 Oct 2009, written by Riz 0 Comments

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If all you thought Storm Troopers did was act as the personal army to Emperor Palpatine then you obviously dont know these guys on a personal level. Yes,  carrying out the will of their superior without question, and staying in a nice little formation at all times are major aspects in the life of a Trooper, but they also like to cut lose and party from time to time. Without their Sunday adventures on their day off even the most dedicated and skillful soldiers will start to go a little AWOL. Artist Stefen took a series of photos documenting a Storm Troopers day off. Lets also be clear about this. I am NOT a Star Wars freak. Except for the brief period in my life when I would only sleep with my girl friend when she was dressed like Princess Leia, Im not one of those crazy obsessed fans. Aside from the 7 months I spend getting my Yoda costume ready for Comic Con, the 1 week drive out to the show, and the 2 weeks I spend in full Yoda character, I could really care less. 

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Top 10: Things Your Girl Shouldn’t Know

02 Oct 2009, written by Revelation 9 Comments

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10. How Many Sexual Partners You’ve Really Hadsexpartners
Of course your proud of how many chicks you’ve bagged in your day, you’re ugly as sin. But when your girl asks you how many partners you’ve had, it’s not smart to go into detail with all the drunken hook-ups and one night stands. It’s routine to talk about this with your buddies, but when your girl asks you this question, try to cut the number down by at least 5, because she is going to tack on 10 to whatever you say anyway. No matter how cool your girl is, if you tell her you’ve slept with 85 girls she is going to always think your a dirty man.
stockton9.Where Your Money Really Goes
It’s always a a mystery to a girl when you tell her how much you make a year and then when you go out to eat you direct her not to even look at the seafood page. Don’t tell your girl that you just bought the new Madden for $60, or two tickets to the Giants game for $300. When you start telling her about all the dumb shit your buying she is going to expect you to start buying her things. So keep your purchase of that throwback John Stockton jersey a secret.
8. Parental Dependancyparentaldepend
It’s not a bad thing when mom helps you with a bill here and there. It is a bad thing when she is paying your rent, car payment, cellphone, and credit cards and you tell your girl about it. You think its cute telling her your mom is so sweet and she helps you out, which is the cutest I get it. When your girl hears this though, all she thinks about is how big of a loser you are that you can’t pay your bills on your own. She then starts thinking “How is this idiot going to support me when he can’t support himself.” Be smart, don’t tell your girl about the $50 dollar allowance your mom still gives you.
claustrophobic7. Your Weakness and Fears
Women are demons sent from below to rip your heart out and destroy you mentally. So when you tell your sweet heart that you’re claustrophobic and scared to fly, at the first sign of weakness she will stuff you in a box and put you on a flight to Cambodia. When you let your girl know what scares you she will use that against you. So play the Ironman role and make sure she knows that nothing scares you, YOU HAVE NO WEAKNESS.
6. Bathroom Activitiesdisgustingtoiletever
It’s always funny to rip a little fart here and there, maybe a dutch oven at times. What isn’t funny is when you always announce to your girl you just blasted diarrhea all over the bathroom walls. There is no need to give a play by play on how your shit came out every time. You might get a chuckle here and there and it’s good that you feel that comfortable with your girl, but newsflash guys, girl’s think all that is disgusting no matter what. So when everyday she gets a run down on your bowel movements she is going to get turned off by you real quick.
lapdance5. Your Friend’s Moral Shortcomings
This is a major mistake many guy’s make. They think their girl is one of the guys, and you tell them the story about your married friend Ron who got a blowjob in an Atlantic City bathroom stall by a prostitute and busted all over her face. Which is a golden story to you and your guy friends, it is the opposite to your girl. Do you think she she is going to be excited when you tell her you’re just going out for drinks with Ron, a guy who cheats on his wife and gets blowjobs from prostitutes? When you tell your lady about your friends disgusting, but hilarious, moral shortcomings, you’re really just cutting yourself off from hanging out with them without her.
4. Your Masturbation Routinemasturbate
Masturbation, it’s a normal thing and guys do it all the time, regardless if you have a girlfriend or not. What you do not need to do is let your girl know about how many times you tug the ole jimmy. When you let your girl know you spank it 2 times a day she will immediately feel inadequate, and think she is not pleasing you sexually. I could be getting laid by Megan Fox daily and I’m still going to crank one out from time to time, it’s science, but I’m not going to let Megan know, no no, to her I haven’t masturbated the whole time we’re together, and that kids, is positive lying.
caught_cheating_c13. Your Cheating Past
Most guy’s have cheated on a girlfriend at some point in their life, maybe just a drunk make out at a frat party, or maybe Brazilian prostitutes every Tuesday and Thursday at the Clarion hotel room 305 at 8:00 after work (I swear this isn’t what I used to do when we were together Michelle…..not). Anyway the point is those two circumstances are the same in a woman’s mind, cheating is cheating. So when you break the news to your girlfriend that your past 10 relationships ended because you got caught cheating, it’s not going to sit well with your girl, no matter how much you say you changed. You know the golden saying, “Once a cheater always a cheater.” So turn the tables and say those relationships ended because you always got cheated on, that will get you some sympathy points.
2. Your Ex-Girlfriend Memorabilia exgirlmem
99% of the cool shit you have is from ex-girlfriends, because Christmas and birthdays you really just tell them what you want and they get it for you, pretty nice concept. One thing that is not cool though is when you let your girl know all the things from ex-girlfriends. “See that flat screen T.V., this Rolex, and this German Shepard, yea my ex-girlfriend got me all this, she was awesome.” Now every time your girl walks into your apartment she is constantly thinking you still care about your ex, or else you would get rid of the stuff she got you. So don’t be an idiot unless you want your T.V., Rolex, and dog on the side of the road waiting to be picked up by the garbage man.
girlmem1. Ex-Girlfriend Memories
Would you like to hear about everything that reminds your girl of her ex-boyfriend. Absolutely not, so when something reminds you of your ex keep that shit to yourself, this is America god damn it, you gotta bottle that shit up. If you keep telling your ex memories to your girl she will think you’re still hung up on her. She will then wonder why you aren’t still with her if she was so great. Then you will have to tell her that you told your ex you used to be a cheater, spent all your money on video games, and made her look at your toilet bowl accomplishments. Connecting the dots?

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Street Struck: The Big L Story

02 Oct 2009, written by Riz 2 Comments

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Big L was and still is considered one of the most prolific hip hop artist in the history of rap. He strung together words that can only be described as amazing and his song Ebonics is widely regarded as one of the best rap songs of all time. Born in Harlem, Big L was first discovered by Lord Finesse in a record store while rhyming and was soon after featured on his 1992 hit “Party Over Here”. He later signed with the D.I.T.C Crew (Diggin In The Crate Crew) on Columbia Records and went on to release his solo debut Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous, in March of 1995. From 1997-1999 Big L worked on his second release, The Big Picture, but sadly, he would never get the chance to see it completed. He was gunned down in Harlem, February 15, 1999. Big L was murdered on W138st in Harlem and was shot 9 times, twice in the face, he was 24. Gerard Woodley one L’s childhood friends, was arrested in May for the crime, but soon after released for lack of evidence. At the time of his death, L had two brothers in prison and a spokesman for the NYPD said there is a good chance L was killed for something his brothers had done, or were believed to have done.

His death remains unsolved.

This documentary gives a closer look into the legend that has grown around Big L’s amazing talent.

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Why iPhones Are Cool: Reason #187

01 Oct 2009, written by Riz 0 Comments

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Lets be clear about one thing, I am Black Berry for life. All these people jumping on the iPhone band wagon really piss me off, and this app non sense that is going on is even worse. 90% of the apps that are for sale are pointless bullshit that only costs you money and take up space on your phone, but people download them anyway I guess so that they can show off their apps to their iPhone loser friends. With that being said, this is an app I would actually buy. What could be better than the look on some poor saps face when while sitting in traffic, they looked over and saw some crazy road rager squeezing off shots and screeming about traffic. I love how this app even lets you load up your clip before going all Charles Bronson on bystanders.

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Let’s Get Sexy With Craig Robinson

01 Oct 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments

My main man Craig Robinson is smoothe as hell. From putting certs up your butthole to forgetting the safeword, its all covered in his new love song.  Enjoy!

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I Want That! Honda U3-X

01 Oct 2009, written by Revelation 1 Comments

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We all know how big of a flop Segway’s were, but at the same time how awesome would it be to have one, no matter how gay you look. This will probably be in the same boat if it ever comes out. How cool would it be to just chill out and cruise around like a technologically advanced unicycle bad ass. Known as the U3-X, this self-balancing unicycle from Honda comes with what looks like a regular large wheel of a unicycle, although it is actually composed of a handful of smaller wheels in a series that can be rotated independently. The idea behind this was to be able to move in all directions with just a lean of your weight. Every fat looser’s dream of one day being able to ride around town on a unicycle, without having to actually practice and learn how to ride a unicycle, is finally here. All hail Honda.

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Kimbo To The Silver Screen?

01 Oct 2009, written by Riz 1 Comments

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So I just finished watching The Ultimate Fighter, and sadly Kimbo Slice lost to Roy “Big Country” Nelson. It was a decent fight when they were standing, but when it went to the ground, the 265lbs Nelson was just too much dead weight for Kimbo to defend against. If nothing else, this episode, which was estimated to be the most viewed hour in Ultimate Fighter History, served as a “get to know” Kimbo Slice session. Almost every other fighter or situation was ignored so that everyone in the house could give their 2 cents on how they felt about Kimbo and how they thought he would do against an established MMA fighter. It was nice to see that most of the guys in the house recognized the fact that Kimbo was thrown into the spot light based on some back yard street fights that happened to gain millions of hits on YouTube. He didn’t go looking for fame, it found him, and when you are a father of 6, with no money, you take what is given to you, especially when its hundreds of thousands of dollars in promotional money.
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With all that being said, I noticed something interesting tonight. I noticed that Kimbo may not be cut out for the UFC, but you can bet your ass you will be seeing more of Kimbo Slice on the big screen. He is a personality that is impossible to ignore. His appearance speaks for itself, a bald gritty street fighter with a beard that looks like it is made from the wool of a deceased goat. He also just so happens to be the same guy who has a rep for knocking guys eye sockets out. But once you get to listen to him talk, and listen to his stories, you realize that there is more to him then just a lethal punching machine. He has a charisma and charm that is hard to come by. He stole the show tonight with his commentary and that is what I enjoyed watching the most. I would have enjoyed it a little more if he won, but I guess I can’t have everything I wish for. Who knows, maybe Rampages crazy ass is lining up to be his agent/manager. Kimbo was his first pick, after all. And if Rampages recent switch to acting is any sign of the new trend in MMA, then we can expect the offers for Kimbo Slice to be piling up faster than Ari Gold can set up the deal.

Kimbo auditioning for the roll of "Outlaw #2" in a new Western.

Kimbo auditioning for the roll of "Outlaw #2" in a new Western.

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Chris Brown Comeback Begins

30 Sep 2009, written by Revelation 0 Comments

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The flag has dropped and the Chris Brown come back has begun. Today a new Chris Brown song debuted featuring Lil Wayne called “Transformer” produced by Swizz Beatz. Whether you like it or not, you will be hearing this song all Fall of 2009, so get used to it. To be honest, if Chris Breezy keeps putting out music like this he has the green light to punch out every girl on Earth, one at a time for all I care. Chris Brown is extremely talented and has some golden pipes, now as long as he doesn’t chokeslam any ladies for a year or two he should be a regular at the top of the charts. What I want to know is do people really still not like this kid for what he did? I understand it was an awful thing to do, but are you really not going to listen to his music because of his past? Hey news flash everyone you listen to Michael Jackson(no need to inform you), Dr. Dre, Elvis Costello,and Rick James so get over it. And yes you read that correctly, Rick James kidnapped, beat, and tortured a girl for over 6 days, his career turned out O.K., Chris Breezy should be fine.

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