Don’t Tread On Me Mr Government.

31 Mar 2011, written by ZootPatrol.com 0 Comments


It’s always a little frustrating when people say they want to own a home because in reality you never own a home. If the mortgage company doesn’t own it and you pay for it out right the gov’t still has a piece. Gov’t makes you pay for it, determines what you can do to it and how you have to do it. Gov’t also decides what you can do on your own property and in some cases like in this video even claim to own a piece of your property, well 3 ft in from the curb. As a homeowner this video is vexing because you really have no right to property. Life, liberty, happiness and a gov’t rental? Whether it’s this guy or the guy that has to fill out miles of paperwork and pay fees to install a new mailbox the red tape will continue to get longer because the ones who know it best make their livings within it.

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Illustrated Drunk Dial

31 Mar 2011, written by Riz 0 Comments

Let this be a lesson. You cant do anything now a days without it possibly becoming and internet sensation. Dominic called the wrong number, or, more likely, Ryan gave her the wrong number. The person who woke up to this gem of a voice mail from a strange number made text art out of these fantastic ramblings. Dominic, wherever you are: You’re better than Ryan and his indigestion. Keep doing you. Maybe Ill buy something off of Ebay and we will cross paths. I like Jamba Juice too!

Bonus:

I just though this was really funny…..because Ive done it.

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The Greatest Dog Walker For Hire

30 Mar 2011, written by Revelation 0 Comments


(click image to enlarge)

Are you a really busy person? Do you have a dog? Well if you answered yes to both we found the perfect dog walker for you, and if you don’t have a dog go buy one just so you can hire this bad ass dog walker guaranteed to be the best walker on Earth. He is actually watching my dog Machine this weekend, Machine gets the best and only the best.

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Traveling Around The World In 80 Seconds

30 Mar 2011, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Here is a pretty amazing video, especially since this guy is out seeing every inch of the world, the rest of us are trapped in our sweet cubicles staring at the same crack in the wall for the past hour. The name of the video is called Around the world in 80 seconds. Directed by Romain Pergeaux & Alex Profit. A project done in only 3 weeks. This route is a tribute to the famous Jules Verne’s book “Le tour du monde en 80 jours”. The tour included stops in London – Cairo – Mumbay – Hong Kong – Tokyo – San Francisco – New York – London.

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16 Undeniable Universal Laws

30 Mar 2011, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will..

Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and they are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. While those in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and who stay to the bitter end of the performance and beyond. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Starbucks Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

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Beekman Tower / New york By Gehry

30 Mar 2011, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Sexy new building up in the New York Skyline formally known as ‘beekman tower’. It is the
tallest residential tower in the western hemisphere designed by one of the best architects to ever live, Frank Gehry. He has always been one of my favorite architects even though I heard he really doesn’t do anything on the projects, he just approves things, which in my time in architecture noticed that is the normal once you become the boss, and that ladies and gentlemen is boss.

click below for more photography of this amazing building.
(more…)

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Every Person On Earth Should Know This Recipe

29 Mar 2011, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Oreo Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies
Makes 24 gigantic cookies
Prep: 25 minutes
Cook: 13 minutes

Ingredients
• 1 cup (2 sticks) softened butter
• 3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 3 1/2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1 package Double Stuff Oreo cookies

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, cream butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar together with a mixer until well combined. Beat in eggs and vanilla.

In medium bowl mix the flour, salt, and baking soda. Slowly add to wet ingredients along with chocolate chips until just combined.

With a cookie scoop, form balls with the dough.

Place one ball on top of an Oreo cookie, and another ball on the bottom. Seal edges together by pressing and cupping in hand until Oreo cookie is fully enclosed with dough.

Place onto parchment or silpat lined baking sheets and bake cookies for approximately 13 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool for 5 minutes before transferring to cooling rack.

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NYC Subway Trains 25 Years Ago

29 Mar 2011, written by Riz 0 Comments

Ever wonder what riding the train was like back in the day? Here’s what the Times Square station looked like 25 years ago. The footage was shot with a 16mm film camera in June of ’86, about three years before the MTA officially implemented its “clean train” policy and decided to no longer run subway cars that were littered with graffiti. Whats up with the signs for the “K” and “CC” trains? I  also really thought it was interesting how no one freaked out or questioned why someone was recording in the subway. The simpler times.

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Best Craigslist Bike Ad Ever

29 Mar 2011, written by Riz 0 Comments

I love when I stumble onto a Craigslist ad like this. Actually, a friend from San Francisco sent this to me, so dont ask me why hes looking for European bikes in Williamsburg NYC, but Im happy that he was because this post rules. Check out the actual post here.

Stately Dutch MILF Magnet

Date: 2010-03-01, 11:20PM EST

This is a Batavus “PERSONAL” delivery bike. It’s black, has one speed, a coaster brake, a kick stand, chain case, racks, and a dynamo lighting system. I discovered it in the basement of the Smith and Butler boutique in Carrol Gardens last October.

I am selling this bicycle because my therapist suggested I need to come to terms with my attraction to african-american women. No sister is going to date a 34 year old systems administrator riding a european grocery bike. However, when I would cruise slowly down Park Slope’s fifth avenue, panties would literally fly off of every white or asian woman with a stroller and a master’s degree.

I live in Williamsburg now and the bike confuses most of the women here. If I grow my moustache out a little and explain it only has one speed “like a fixie” I can sometimes get to second base. But for the most part I might as well have a soul patch and collect classic cameras. If you want to get some action I’d only take this baby out south of Atlantic Avenue.

Spring is coming and if you like flat-assed waspy moms who went to Vassar, this is the ride you need.

$300 O.B.O.

Location: Williamsburg
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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The Harsh Problems Faced By People Of First World Countries

29 Mar 2011, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Living in a third world country is a breeze compared to the harsh every day struggles and problems we are faced with. Honestly picking out lunch from a field of garbage is nothing to complain about next to these pains in the ass I have to deal with.

I forgot about my coffee at work and it went cold, so I reheated it but forgot about it again, now it is cold once more and in my opinion, undrinkable. FML.

Parking spaces too narrow for my SUV.

My local deli sliced my meat at a 1 rather than a ½ and now my sandwiches are too tall.

I payed $3.55 a gallon for gas, and then down the street saw it for $3.49 a gallon

McDonald’s only gave me 3 BBQ sauces for my 20 piece chicken nuggets so now I have to ration them.

The restaurant didn’t have coke so I had to get pepsi.

I really want a burger, but McDonalds is still serving breakfast.

I had too much food for lunch and now I’m tired

I can’t get a 3G signal at my desk, only Edge!

My laptop is over a year old, and the fan is kind of loud when I stream movies from Netflix.

I took such a long shower this morning that the hot water ran out

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