1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
The list continues below
Being a boss, Im naturally always perusing the internet for new and clever ideas that will up my Bossism. Is that even a word? Whatever, it doesnt matter, Im a boss, so yeah, its a word. While on one of my many hunts for all things cool, I stumbled upon these money clips. Theres no doubt Im getting one of these, and you should too. Imagine being out with a girl and you go to pay. Not only is she blinded by your fat stack of $1′s, but your gold money clip says ‘Cheddar’. Thats it, one simple word to let people know thats how you roll. I kind of wish these were customizable, but the current options are still pretty good.
More boss money clips below
By now everyone has seen the Lebron James AKA Fat Pippen What Should I Do Nike commercial. We also put you on to the Jordan remake, where Lebron is clowned. I guess the spoofs just keep on coming because a Brett Favre one just dropped, and wow, theres more than 1 dick joke in this gem. Great acting in this and super creative. Brett really needs to do some damage control on this wiener thing, and fast.
Some people are upset with the signing of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman for the next batman movie called “Dark Knight Rises” but I think her boobs are going to look boobtastic the entire movie so I give the hire two thumbs up.
You know the best part about a basketball game is when someone just gets humiliated by a big dunk in the face. Better yet when one player jumps so high, he puts his nut sack in another man’s face, then drops the hammer down on the guy and slam dunks, while knocking him to the floor, disgraced, with nut sack sweat on his face. Here is a compilation of some of the best “posterize” dunks ever in basketball history. No excuse me I have to get back to Rucker Park to get my dunk on. “GET OFF OF ME NUTSO.”
A lot more examples of poor bastards getting brutally dunked on below.
Ben Franklin turned 305 a couple days ago and to celebrate, here’s a list of expressions meaning “inebriated” that Franklin first published in the Pennsylvania Gazette on January 6, 1737, apparently he loved getting shit faced. But first a quote from Mr. Franklin himself to get started.
“The Phrases in this Dictionary are not (like most of our Terms of Art) borrow’d from Foreign Languages, neither are they collected from the Writings of the Learned in our own, but gather’d wholly from the modern Tavern-Conversation of Tiplers. I do not doubt but that there are many more in use; and I was even tempted to add a new one my self under the Letter B, to wit, Brutify’d: But upon Consideration, I fear’d being guilty of Injustice to the Brute Creation, if I represented Drunkenness as a beastly Vice, since, ’tis well-known, that the Brutes are in general a very sober sort of People.”
The Drinkers Dictionary
He is Addled,
He’s casting up his Accounts,
He’s in his Airs.
Block and Block,
Been at Barbadoes,
Piss’d in the Brook,
Drunk as a Wheel-Barrow,
Has Stole a Manchet out of the Brewer’s Basket,
His Head is full of Bees,
Has been in the Bibbing Plot,
Has drank more than he has bled,
As Drunk as a Beggar,
He sees the Bears,
He’s kiss’d black Betty,
He’s had a Thump over the Head with Sampson’s Jawbone,
The rest of the list in alphabetical order continues below
By now I think everyone knows that America and Iran are a little different, and with that comes different rules and laws. Here is a long list of things that are illegal in Iran. While I understand some of the things on this list like alcohol and pork, whatever floats your boat Iran, but why Kenny G, WHY MAKE KENNY G ILLEGAL IRAN! He is a good guy and he can play the shit out of a saxophone. Give Kenny G 5 minutes on a stage in front of your people Iran and he will become legal real quick, that or half the female population will get pregnant instantly after he toots that groovy music. I would make commentary on everything on this list but I don’t want a durka durka Muhammad jihad put on zootpatrol, so I will let the list do the talking.
Many many more bizarre things that are illegal in Iran below
When I saw that BBC was coming out with a tv series following up “Planet Earth”, which I routinely watched with a bunch of my friends in college every week, WHAT UP TEMPLE, yea we were fucking crazy. Anyway when I saw the trailer for “Human Planet” I was in awe, it looks unbelievable and I really can’t wait, here is BBC in their own words about the show.
A new TV series by the BBC:
Human Planet is an awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping, heart-stopping landmark series that marvels at mankind’s incredible relationship with nature in the world today.
Uniquely in the animal kingdom, humans have managed to adapt and thrive in every environment on Earth. Each episode takes you to the extremes of our planet: the arctic, mountains, oceans, jungles, grasslands, deserts, rivers and even the urban jungle. Here you will meet people who survive by building complex, exciting and often mutually beneficial relationships with their animal neighbors and the hostile elements of the natural world.
Check out the video below for a scene from the show, it is freakin gnar gnar.
Are you sick of those over the top gym fees. Do you want to get in shape, but you don’t have any weights or time? Well you are in luck because a new workout is sweeping the nation, and the best part it’s FREE. Yes you heard that right, absolutely free. All you need to do is get a baby or small child and watch this short instructional video and you will be graced with the knowledge and exercises to get JACKED UP in no time. Wow that actually sounded pretty good, I should start advertising for workout programs.
If you’re planing to visit Amsterdam, one of the most beautiful and interesting cities in the world, there is one place that you shouldn’t allow yourself to miss – infamous Amsterdam Red Light District.
The whole low down on the amazing Red Light District below.