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The Best Ho Ho Ho’liday Cocktails

27 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 0 Comments

So Christmas might be over, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still drink your face off with some holiday spirit cocktails. If you’re looking for a unique cocktail to help spread a little holiday cheer, I’ve got a baker’s dozen worth of truly different drinks from Maker’s Mark, Tabasco, Nightclub and Bar Magazine, and 1800 Tequila. All guaranteed to deck your halls and jingle your… stockings.

MAKER’S MARK

Naughty Nog

Created by Chef Blythe Beck Executive Chef, Central 214 at the Hotel Palomar in Dallas

1 quart egg nog

1 cup cream

2 cups Maker’s Mark

2 cups vanilla ice cream

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Ground nutmeg for dusting
Combine all liquid ingredients in blender. Blend until smooth. Pour in glass and dust with nutmeg.

A Ton more of holiday cocktails below
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Lupe Fiasco – The Show Goes On (Official Music Video)

27 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Granted this song came out a month or two ago, but the official music video dropped this weekend and it reassured why I like the song so much. It really is sad that songs like this, that are so good, don’t get any radio play to reach out to the general audience, but I guess it is sort of a good thing that it doesn’t get played out in 3 days. This track is off the highly anticipated 3rd album from Lupe Fiasco called Lasers in stores March 8th. You can visit Lupe’s site found here for more information and tunes.

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11 Things Humans Still Haven’t Figured Out

27 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Another year is almost down, and it amazes me how much shit we still haven’t figured out, given all the modern advances and technology available today. But here I stand, utterly baffled and disappointed. Here are some things I need you to work on, 2011.

1. A Cure for the Common Cold

So let me fucking see if I understand… you’re telling me if I take these three pills twice a day for 45 days, my cholesterol will be normal, I’ll mysteriously shed 35 pounds, I’ll be able to crush catsup (nobody spells it like that) packets with my pecks, I’ll go back to having “regular” movements, and my cock will be able to do 17 pull-ups… but you can’t figure out a cure for the common cold?! It sucks because whenever people feel miserable I believe they have the right to bitch about it. But the truth is, it’s just a cold. It’s not like you can bitch about having a cold to a cancer patient. Guy with a cold: “Man, you have no idea how I feel. I had to back out of our bowling league practice last night I was so sick.”Cancer Patient: “Are you fucking serious? Did you just fucking say that? You have a fucking cold, uh-oh, watch out, this guy could drop dead at any second now. Shut the fuck up. So you get to spend two days in a robe watching Oprah, fuck you! Pussy.” Guy with a cold: “Man, cancer patients are jerks.”

2. Properly Functioning Cruise Control

Now that cars are smart enough to park their damn selves, I’d have figured you could equip them with a computer that can figure out when they’re going up a fucking hill. But no matter what, if you go up a hill with cruise control on, your 2009 Nissan Pathfinder sounds like a damn Ferrari running the 24 hours of Le Mans in first gear. And it makes you feel like a retard because all of a sudden your vehicle charges forward like a dog whose tail just got stepped on; then you realize you’re going half the fucking speed of light and hit the brakes, so everyone on the highway looks at you like you’re the biggest asshole in the world. Oh well, screw ‘em. “What the fuck are you looking at, you’re driving a fucking Smart Car!”
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Maury Christmas From ZootPatrol

25 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 0 Comments

We wish everyone a Merry Christmas today. We really are thankful for everyone’s support. Now go eat, drink, drink, eat, and drink some more. MERRRRRRYYYYY CHRISTMASSSS. (sorry we’re drunk already.)

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Happy Festivus!

24 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Happy Festivus to all our readers. We hope you enjoy the “Airing of Grievances” and “Feats of Strength,” all while sitting around your unadorned aluminum “Festivus pole”. And don’t forget to donate to The Human Fund, money for people. You can make your checks and wires out to ZootPatrol, and we will then go ahead and donate for you, thanks.

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Every Movie Trailer From 2010

24 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 0 Comments

A moment from every 2010 movie trailer, all inside 4 minutes. [note: Plus, an awesome Metric song, so have a listen even if you hate every movie from this year.] Also below the movie you can see every single movie shown in the order it appears in the trailer.


List of movies below.
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8 Reasons Why Santa Clause Is Not Appropriate For Your Kids

24 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Santa Claus is coming to town. Most people are excited about it, but it’s probably best you take a little advice from everyone’s favorite internet star, Antoine Dodson and hide yo’ kids and hide yo’ wife when Santa makes his way down your chimney. Because if you really take a close look at the guy, you probably won’t want him rummaging through your living room while you sleep. Here are eight reasons that Santa Claus is an unfit family holiday icon.

8 He’s Obese

There’s no question that obesity is a serious problem in America. Perhaps part of the reason it’s even an issue is because, at a very early age, we give our children this jolly fat man to look up to. The guy has a strict diet of cookies and candy canes and is grossly overweight, yet he still has people who wait in line for hours just to sit in his greasy lap. What kid wouldn’t want to grow up to be idolized just like Santa Claus is? That’s clearly where the gorging begins and it’s a lost cause from that moment on.

7 He’s Cocky

In the song, “Here Comes Santa Claus” which is already a song about him, even the street he uses has his name in it. You know, “…right down Santa Claus Lane…”. I mean, come on, all the streets in the world and he has to use the one that’s named after him and then have everyone sing about it? How stuck up is this guy?! He’s one speech-interruption away from being Kanye West.

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Tom Hanks VS Dr. Dre

23 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 0 Comments

Awesome mash up of Tom Hanks films and Dr. Dre beats. It left me with just one question: Who is the better team, Turner and Hooch or Dre and Snoop?

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God Is Contradicting, The Best Of “Advice God”

23 Dec 2010, written by Revelation 1 Comments

The Judeo-Christian God is an epic troll. If you grew up Catholic, Protestant or at all Christian, then most of these iterations of this meme will hit home hard. These are all questions we’ve asked ourselves, our pastors and our parents that can be answered with the fact that the Judeo-Christian God, as a character, is a mean, troll-like, hypocritical butt-face. Enjoy the best of the “Advice God” meme, just in time for the holiday season.

A ton more from Advice God found below
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Sasha Grey Was Here

23 Dec 2010, written by Riz 1 Comments

This is a new project that is in the works by Rubén B called Sasha Grey Was Here. The pornstar plus+ is oh-so-recognizable. Could it be the way her long dark hair is contrasted against the white silhouette? The School girl uniform? Or maybe its that she is so ingrained into your head (ladies too!) that your mind just fills in the blanks left by the artist. Whatever it is, we hope that Ruben makes a couple more to add to the series.

more hot sasha below
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