By: Andy Weir
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
Read on to have your mind exploded, maybe
1. Raped by a Sharpie Marker
No, this isn’t the kind of ” Sharpie Rape ” you see in most schools that really just means getting marked on by a Sharpie (a permanent marker) unexpectedly. This is actual, sexual, penetration; using a Sharpie. In 2002, seven football players from Methodist College in North Carolina were arrested on hazing charges for restraining a freshman, stripping him of his underwear, writing all over his butt and smacking it numerous times. The worst part is that to “seal the deal”, as it were, the player with the most ironic position-name, Antonio Wilkerson (wide receiver for the team) sexually assaulted the freshman athlete with a Sharpie marker after everything had been said and done. He, along with the other Methodist players involved, were suspended after their November 14 arrests and did not partake in the team’s final game; unfortunately because getting benched, or even sitting down, was probably the last thing on the victim’s mind.
2. Cocaine or Dildo: Your Choice
Sororities are just as sexually cruel, if not infinitely moreso, than Fraternities. Looking at this list, it’s apparent that the women in Sororities are more interested in emotional and social humiliation than the males. Males tend to angle towards the physical feats of strength or disgustingness. Both (freely) exercise public humiliation, but the levels of both differ and definitely run deeper in female circles. FOR EXAMPLE…
The Hazing Prevention Center, one of the leading non-profit organizations working to eradicate hazing, receives hundred of emails from traumatized victims of sorority and fraternity hazing. One e-mail was from a girl who reported that she had to either use a dildo in front of all her “sisters” or take a hit of cocaine. So it’s either your morals… or your morals? Or your common sense vs… your common sense? It’s a toss-up, but an elicit drug that can cause permanent brain damage and is HIGHLY illegal or sexual, social, public humiliation? Which would you choose?
See more reasons below why joining a frat or sorority is the funnesttttttttt
What is going on in Japan is horrible, there is no doubt about that and we are not being dicks. But honestly in 2 months no one will give a crap about the people still without homes or food in Japan. People are dying every day and no one cares, it is just how it works sadly.
It has gotten national media coverage on the internet, radio, and television. A man with cancer announced on the popular website Reddit that he only had 51 hours to live. He went to the site, which acts as a huge forum of some sort, so take questions from anyone that wanted to ask him about dying and his life.
This is from Reddit:
On Tuesday I’ll finally end my battle with cancer thanks to Oregon’s Death with dignity act. As part of my preparations I’ve ended my pain medication and am trying to regain what little dignity and clarity I can.
Who I was doesn’t matter. I’m in pain, I’m tired and I’m finally being granted a small shred of respect. Feel free to AMA if you’re so inclined.
Other than answering our questions, what are you going to spend your last hours doing? And most of all, good luck, my friend. May you have the peace you deserve.
I’m going to live. This is as close to travel and meeting new people as I can get now. I’m sorry if that sounds dumb but this is my world tour
Seeing my nephew beat cancer. He had it as a child and the doctors at Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia cured it. 9 years and it never came back. A close second, the summer my dad and I saw a baseball game in every AL city.
The best of the questions and answers continue below
Ut oooo shit just got real. Hundreds of pages of recently unsealed documents link two former L.A.P.D. officers with the 1997 murder of Notorious B.I.G. Recently unsealed evidence suggests the lead investigator in the 1997 murder of Christopher “Notorious B.I.G.” Wallace had ties to Death Row Records and was at the scene of the critically acclaimed rapper’s murder working security. The new evidence is the latest finding in the ongoing legal battle between the Wallace family and the Los Angeles Police Department.
Click below for the rest of the story and an amazing video of the news story.
Here are a few real life last meal request from former death row prisoners. Now lets start an honest discussion and let me ask you what would your last meal on this planet would consist of? Me personally I would ask for two slices of sausage pizza from my local pizzeria, a plate of gravy cheese fries from a diner, a cherry Italian ice, 2 packs of sour path kids with 1 pack of Haribo gummy bears, a virgin Miami Vice, a tall glass of ice water, then finally wash all that down with a bottle of Johnny Walker blue label to go out drunk as piss.
More amazingly odd last meal requests below
When you die you only have one thing left to remain for people to come see, your headstone in the cemetery. While most of us normal people go with the generic rectangular piece, some people decide to go all out and make sure people take a look at their place of rest. When I die I think I’m going to request a 50 foot tall life size recreation of Godzilla.
Today a great comedian died, Greg Giraldo. Giraldo was one of my favorite comedians who always seemed on the verge of breaking through to the main stream, but always stayed on the fringe of mega stardom. If you don’t know who Giraldo was, he was best known for his celebrity roasts and stand up comedy. Giraldo died today after an accidental overdose of prescription meds at the age of 44. Now I can leave you with a bunch of his stand up videos but I will let you do that yourself if you want to laugh your ass off. Instead I want to leave you with a video that just about all of you are going to remember when you start watching. It is the the song by Lazyboy called Underwear goes inside the pants, which is really just the wisdom of world issues, politics, and comedy by Greg Giraldo over a beat, watch it, it’s 5 minutes of a comedian genius spitting the truth. (yes its a black screen until 22 seconds in, then the magic happens. )
Shocked to discover the statistic that 2 times more American soldiers that served in Iraq had died in 2009 by committing suicide than those killed in combat during that same year hadn’t been properly addressed in the press and is unknown by a majority of the general population, New York-based installation artist Sebastian Errazuriz took to the wall outside of his studio in Brooklyn.
Death Masks are easily the most haunting mementos of the deceased. They have been in existence since the time of Tutankhamun, whose solid gold burial mask is an object of extreme beauty and superstition. Here, we present a bunch of casts that have preserved some of the most famous faces to have graced this planet.
Taken at the time of his autopsy and currently on display at the National Museum of Health and Medicine, Washington DC. In 2007, Dr. John Sotos studied his face and medical records and concluded that he suffered from a disease called Multiple Mucosal Neuroma Syndrome and had he not been assassinated, he would have died soon anyway.