Funny how things change.

Happy Friday Zoot Nation. Enjoy. BTW, the image above is me on a regular Friday night.

The best jail in the world.I might do a crime just to post here for a few years.

Fat Kid Freak out.My little brother was like this when we were kids, except he wasnt fat. He had way cooler hair as well.

Dancing Gorilla. Im 100% convinced that this Gorilla jacked these dance moves from my best friend Tom.

Greggy PIKEE!!!

A graphical analysis of the position taken by those who forgot about Dre (including countervailing evidence provided by Dr. Dre).

I dont have any kids but I can imagine how taxing and annoying it has to be when you just want your baby to go to sleep, and its apparent it just isnt going to happen. Reading bedtime stories is part of every kids childhood, and I am SURE that at some point, all of our parents read these books in a similar narrative. If only we all could have been so lucky as to have Samuel L read to us.

Go the Fuck to Sleep is written by Adam Mansbach, illustrated by Ricardo Cortes, and somehow narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

The hardcover book can be ordered from Amazon.com here.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Eminem hanging out at Bonnaroo.

Dear Facebook,
Please add “In a Wolf Pack with” as a relationship status.
Sincerely, anonymous.

Dear Nyquil,
You were amazing last night. Who knew you could last so long?!
Sincerely, 12 hours later…

Dear Zebras,
It’s not our fault that you blend in with NOTHING.
Sincerely, predators.

Dear cold pizza,
You are my favorite breakfast, don’t tell Pop Tart.
Sincerely, hung-over.

More Dear Blank letters below

Dear officer,
No, my speech isn’t slurred. I’m just talking in cursive.
Sincerely, not as think as you drunk I am.

Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
Sincerely, Peter Pan.

Dear Myspace, Twilight, Pirates and Yahoo,
Ha, ha. Yeah…
Sincerely, Facebook, Harry Potter, Ninjas, and Google.

Dear Osama,
Should’ve worn stripes…
Sincerely, Waldo.

Dear world,
Contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate homosexuals.
Sincerely, God.

Dear confused teenage girls,
If your boyfriend is sparkly and he doesn’t want to have sex with you, he’s not a vampire, he’s just gay.
Sincerely, reality.

Are you a new parent? Or has someone in your family recently had a child? If so you are going to need a quick crash course on how to properly treat and take care of a baby. Here is a hilarious collection of techniques on how to be an adult parent instead of ways you would probably take care of it.

Many more hilarious instructions below

1. Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

2. Vegetarians and vegans spend entirely too much time trying to make vegetables taste like meat. You made your choice, now live with it hippie!

3. If you’re reading a book to your child and you decide to do a funny voice, you better be prepared to repeat that voice for like 3 fucking years.

4. There is no greater sense of accomplishment than rapping an entire part of a song perfectly.

5. Mental Note: Actual notes work better.

6. There are 470 tiles on my church’s ceiling.

7. I have a hard time grasping the fact that in other countries, peoples thoughts are in a different language.

8. Remember when you had to go to channel 3 to play video games?

9. Texting and driving is easy, I don’t know what the big

10. You’re the one who posted over a thousand pictures of yourself on-line, why does looking at them make me the weird one?

Click below for the rest and enjoy ruminating your ass off

11. The “don’t talk to me about kids until you have a kid” people are extremely annoying. I don’t think I need to produce another human being to know it’s problematic to let a 4-year old treat me like his bitch.

12. I wonder how many twins are going by the wrong name because their parents mixed them up when they were babies…

13. Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I’d like to read a medication bottle and see “May cause extreme sexiness.”

14. Guys- what you lack in height does not need to be made up for in pure, unadulterated douchebaggery

15. Again I want to make this clear, if you’re reading a book to your child and you decide to do a funny voice, you better be prepared to repeat that voice for like 3 fucking years.

The Dick in a box and Mother Fuckers guys are back, Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg that is. There third song is just as hilarious as the previous two called “Threeway” featuring Lady Gaga. The song lays down the rules of three-ways and explains the exception of having sex with another dude involved, it’s not gay if there’s a chick in between apparently.