Luckily I am a perfectly sculpted male and don’t resembled anything on planet Earth. The only thing I come close to looking like is an angel from the heavens above, so there is no way I would ever be included in a such hilarious pictures as these. All of these are pretty spot on so enjoy the mash ups.

More sweet combinations below
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“This is how we do it, it’s Friday night…” O hey sorry didn’t see you there, anyway here is some vintage video capturing a spectacular karaoke performance in Alabama. When it first started I was like O.K. here we go, this is going to be terrible, but I was quickly proved wrong. This guy is a pimp, and he puts it down. The song choice for this O.G. was Montell Jordan “This Is How We Do It” and he kills it. This video is so damn good that I forgot about the drive-by. (At the 1:10 mark he gets awkward, but quickly rebounds.)

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

The list continues below
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By now everyone has seen the Lebron James AKA Fat Pippen What Should I Do Nike commercial. We also put you on to the Jordan remake, where Lebron is clowned. I guess the spoofs just keep on coming because a Brett Favre one just dropped, and wow, theres more than 1 dick joke in this gem. Great acting in this and super creative. Brett really needs to do some damage control on this wiener thing, and fast.

Ben Franklin turned 305 a couple days ago and to celebrate, here’s a list of expressions meaning “inebriated” that Franklin first published in the Pennsylvania Gazette on January 6, 1737, apparently he loved getting shit faced. But first a quote from Mr. Franklin himself to get started.

“The Phrases in this Dictionary are not (like most of our Terms of Art) borrow’d from Foreign Languages, neither are they collected from the Writings of the Learned in our own, but gather’d wholly from the modern Tavern-Conversation of Tiplers. I do not doubt but that there are many more in use; and I was even tempted to add a new one my self under the Letter B, to wit, Brutify’d: But upon Consideration, I fear’d being guilty of Injustice to the Brute Creation, if I represented Drunkenness as a beastly Vice, since, ’tis well-known, that the Brutes are in general a very sober sort of People.”

The Drinkers Dictionary

A
He is Addled,
He’s casting up his Accounts,
He’s Afflicted,
He’s in his Airs.

B
He’s Biggy,
Bewitch’d,
Block and Block,
Boozy,
Bowz’d,
Been at Barbadoes,
Piss’d in the Brook,
Drunk as a Wheel-Barrow,
Burdock’d,
Buskey,
Buzzey,
Has Stole a Manchet out of the Brewer’s Basket,
His Head is full of Bees,
Has been in the Bibbing Plot,
Has drank more than he has bled,
He’s Bungey,
As Drunk as a Beggar,
He sees the Bears,
He’s kiss’d black Betty,
He’s had a Thump over the Head with Sampson’s Jawbone,
He’s Bridgey.

The rest of the list in alphabetical order continues below
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By now I think everyone knows that America and Iran are a little different, and with that comes different rules and laws. Here is a long list of things that are illegal in Iran. While I understand some of the things on this list like alcohol and pork, whatever floats your boat Iran, but why Kenny G, WHY MAKE KENNY G ILLEGAL IRAN! He is a good guy and he can play the shit out of a saxophone. Give Kenny G 5 minutes on a stage in front of your people Iran and he will become legal real quick, that or half the female population will get pregnant instantly after he toots that groovy music. I would make commentary on everything on this list but I don’t want a durka durka Muhammad jihad put on zootpatrol, so I will let the list do the talking.

Gmail

Mullets

Many many more bizarre things that are illegal in Iran below
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Are you sick of those over the top gym fees. Do you want to get in shape, but you don’t have any weights or time? Well you are in luck because a new workout is sweeping the nation, and the best part it’s FREE. Yes you heard that right, absolutely free. All you need to do is get a baby or small child and watch this short instructional video and you will be graced with the knowledge and exercises to get JACKED UP in no time. Wow that actually sounded pretty good, I should start advertising for workout programs.

We haven’t made fun of hipsters in a while here so I guess it’s about that time again. Here is a really popular internet meme, the hipster cat. If you are not familiar pretty much it is just a cat dressed up as a hipster with hilarious hipster sayings attached, pretty straight forward. Alright well good talk, enjoy the hipster cats, see you out there.

A bunch more of Hipster Cat below
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I wanted to post this video last week but couldn’t get it to post onto the site, but this video is worth the late arrival. Mark Howell interviews Nick Prindell, an ex-Marine who lost his hands in Iraq. He wants to become an UFC fighter but the corporation is wrongfully not allowing him to compete due to his prosthetic hands.