I wanted to post this video last week but couldn’t get it to post onto the site, but this video is worth the late arrival. Mark Howell interviews Nick Prindell, an ex-Marine who lost his hands in Iraq. He wants to become an UFC fighter but the corporation is wrongfully not allowing him to compete due to his prosthetic hands.
1. Never under any circumstances should two men share an umbrella.
2. If a man has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it.
3. A man has to scratch what he has to scratch no matter the time or situation. Leave him alone. This applies to picking as well.
4. When you and another man are seeing a movie together a buffer zone of at least one seat must be maintained, even if the theater is sold out.
5. Any object thrown with fairly reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught. Must.
6. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.
7. Deny everything.
8. If whatever you’re doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it’s really not worth it.
9. It’s not that crying isn’t manly, it is just that there is nothing to cry about.
10. If the question begins with “why,” the answer is “I don’t know.”
11. Women can do anything that men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny on purpose, reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, overseeing standards and practices, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with. (From the 10th episode of Tosh.0)
12. For a multitude of reasons, tanned people are not to be trusted.
Click below for the rest of the list continued.
Like I’ve said before SNL just isn’t that funny anymore. The only time SNL manages to pop up around the internet is when Andy Samberg is invovled with a new SNL Digital Short, and here is a prime example. Samberg runs into Pee Wee Herman at a bar and they end up getting shit canned together, hilarity ensues.
Call me weird but I was always a fan of James Van Der Beek, probably only because of the movie Rules of Attraction. He has recently popped back into society taking over website funnyordie.com for a week. It all started with the picture above that was an internet sensation, with people adding text and using it in many situations. So he embraced it and decided to put a spin on things. What could possibly require the full gamut of Van Der Beek over-emoting? What would merit so much sarcasm? The answer, clearly, was Jersey Shore, the only thing on earth more forced and contrived than intentionally marketing your own brand of memes. Behold! You can also check out more hilarious gifs and other stuff at Van Der Beek’s new site found here.
More JVDB reactions to gross Snookie below
Here is another gem found on lamebook.com. This poor lady was so happy to be getting friend requests from old friends and then BAM, facebook shows how ugly it can get with this hilarious back and forth conversation on her wall between a recently divorced couple.
When ordering from chain pizza places as well as some local joints online, they give you the option to include “special instructions”. They were probably thinking people to add certain notes like cut into 16 slices instead of 8, or don’t put sauce on half of the pizza, simple things like that. Of course people are assholes and instead ask for ridiculous things to be included with their pizza. Here are some hilarious instructions that pizza places actually followed, god bless senses of humor.
More great pizza instructions below
It’s not the best time to be looking for a job and it could get pretty frustrating, especially if you know you would be a great fit for the job you’re applying for. These days it doesn’t matter how qualified you are, in fact you are probably over qualified. Well this guy pretty much has had enough of applying for jobs the traditional way and decided to put a truthful and very extensive application for work on craigslist and it is amazing, enjoy.
The greatest job application ever continued below
According to these signs, every single onen of us is absolutely and undeniably screwed. Given that there are countless other belief systems in the world, and how these churches choose to communicate their awesome, sometimes-unintentionally hilarious message, here are all the most offensive, heinous and insulting church signs ever — all put into one list.
More great signs below
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out”?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
More hilarious and thought provoking life mysteries below
Designed by Mr-R aka Carlos, this bad ass Chuck Norris shirt is hilarious. You really didn’t think you could actually wear a t-shirt of Chuck Norris did you, Chuck is too powerful for that nonsense, he wears you as he pleases. You can check out the artist’s website for more of his art and designs found here.