Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Read on below
(more…)

For a guy seeing two girls, or sometimes more than two girls, make out it is like winning the lottery combined with winning the super bowl. When a bunch of guys are drunk there is really nothing more they would rather see than two hot chicks make out, with seeing a fight coming in second place. Here is a hilarious collection of guys loving life, and photo bombing girls making out. Just look at the joy and happiness on these guy’s faces. So do your part ladies, make out with your friends next time you go out, put a smile on a guy’s face.

More great make out photobombs below
(more…)

Sometimes the distinction can be a little tricky. This chart should help sort you out.

Here is a collection of Craigslist postings that will make you scratch your head as well as creeping you the hell out. You may think you know how to spot dangerous people online, but sometimes the warning signs are less than apparent. Here are ten real life examples of Craigslist ads you probably shouldn’t respond to, unless your into this kind of sick stuff.

More creepy postings below, and trust me they get worse.
(more…)

Here is how the version of the famous song from Grease should have went down. I always knew Kenickie was a dirt ball rapist, he sure is funny though. Video by the guys over at College Humor.

Another year is almost down, and it amazes me how much shit we still haven’t figured out, given all the modern advances and technology available today. But here I stand, utterly baffled and disappointed. Here are some things I need you to work on, 2011.

1. A Cure for the Common Cold

So let me fucking see if I understand… you’re telling me if I take these three pills twice a day for 45 days, my cholesterol will be normal, I’ll mysteriously shed 35 pounds, I’ll be able to crush catsup (nobody spells it like that) packets with my pecks, I’ll go back to having “regular” movements, and my cock will be able to do 17 pull-ups… but you can’t figure out a cure for the common cold?! It sucks because whenever people feel miserable I believe they have the right to bitch about it. But the truth is, it’s just a cold. It’s not like you can bitch about having a cold to a cancer patient. Guy with a cold: “Man, you have no idea how I feel. I had to back out of our bowling league practice last night I was so sick.”Cancer Patient: “Are you fucking serious? Did you just fucking say that? You have a fucking cold, uh-oh, watch out, this guy could drop dead at any second now. Shut the fuck up. So you get to spend two days in a robe watching Oprah, fuck you! Pussy.” Guy with a cold: “Man, cancer patients are jerks.”

2. Properly Functioning Cruise Control

Now that cars are smart enough to park their damn selves, I’d have figured you could equip them with a computer that can figure out when they’re going up a fucking hill. But no matter what, if you go up a hill with cruise control on, your 2009 Nissan Pathfinder sounds like a damn Ferrari running the 24 hours of Le Mans in first gear. And it makes you feel like a retard because all of a sudden your vehicle charges forward like a dog whose tail just got stepped on; then you realize you’re going half the fucking speed of light and hit the brakes, so everyone on the highway looks at you like you’re the biggest asshole in the world. Oh well, screw ‘em. “What the fuck are you looking at, you’re driving a fucking Smart Car!”
(more…)

Happy Festivus to all our readers. We hope you enjoy the “Airing of Grievances” and “Feats of Strength,” all while sitting around your unadorned aluminum “Festivus pole”. And don’t forget to donate to The Human Fund, money for people. You can make your checks and wires out to ZootPatrol, and we will then go ahead and donate for you, thanks.

Santa Claus is coming to town. Most people are excited about it, but it’s probably best you take a little advice from everyone’s favorite internet star, Antoine Dodson and hide yo’ kids and hide yo’ wife when Santa makes his way down your chimney. Because if you really take a close look at the guy, you probably won’t want him rummaging through your living room while you sleep. Here are eight reasons that Santa Claus is an unfit family holiday icon.

8 He’s Obese

There’s no question that obesity is a serious problem in America. Perhaps part of the reason it’s even an issue is because, at a very early age, we give our children this jolly fat man to look up to. The guy has a strict diet of cookies and candy canes and is grossly overweight, yet he still has people who wait in line for hours just to sit in his greasy lap. What kid wouldn’t want to grow up to be idolized just like Santa Claus is? That’s clearly where the gorging begins and it’s a lost cause from that moment on.

7 He’s Cocky

In the song, “Here Comes Santa Claus” which is already a song about him, even the street he uses has his name in it. You know, “…right down Santa Claus Lane…”. I mean, come on, all the streets in the world and he has to use the one that’s named after him and then have everyone sing about it? How stuck up is this guy?! He’s one speech-interruption away from being Kanye West.

(more…)

The Judeo-Christian God is an epic troll. If you grew up Catholic, Protestant or at all Christian, then most of these iterations of this meme will hit home hard. These are all questions we’ve asked ourselves, our pastors and our parents that can be answered with the fact that the Judeo-Christian God, as a character, is a mean, troll-like, hypocritical butt-face. Enjoy the best of the “Advice God” meme, just in time for the holiday season.

A ton more from Advice God found below
(more…)