I love when I stumble onto a Craigslist ad like this. Actually, a friend from San Francisco sent this to me, so dont ask me why hes looking for European bikes in Williamsburg NYC, but Im happy that he was because this post rules. Check out the actual post here.

Stately Dutch MILF Magnet

Date: 2010-03-01, 11:20PM EST

This is a Batavus “PERSONAL” delivery bike. It’s black, has one speed, a coaster brake, a kick stand, chain case, racks, and a dynamo lighting system. I discovered it in the basement of the Smith and Butler boutique in Carrol Gardens last October.

I am selling this bicycle because my therapist suggested I need to come to terms with my attraction to african-american women. No sister is going to date a 34 year old systems administrator riding a european grocery bike. However, when I would cruise slowly down Park Slope’s fifth avenue, panties would literally fly off of every white or asian woman with a stroller and a master’s degree.

I live in Williamsburg now and the bike confuses most of the women here. If I grow my moustache out a little and explain it only has one speed “like a fixie” I can sometimes get to second base. But for the most part I might as well have a soul patch and collect classic cameras. If you want to get some action I’d only take this baby out south of Atlantic Avenue.

Spring is coming and if you like flat-assed waspy moms who went to Vassar, this is the ride you need.

$300 O.B.O.

Location: Williamsburg
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I know what you are saying, who the hell is Childish Gambino? Well to start his real name is Donald Glover and he is an actor on the hit comedy series Community, and he is also a writer for the show 30 Rock, where he writes most of the material for Tracy Morgan’s character. He is also a comedian and a ton of other things but lets get back to the rapping thing. Childish Gambino is his rap alter ego and he has the rhyme talent that is refreshing to say the least. He is not your generic rapper, he has a hipster side to him mixed in with the swagger of the streets mixed with being a nerd who raps about girls, whiskey, and clothes. His music is the start of another movement, where he is making all the beats and doing the producing and mixing himself. Today he released his latest EP called just that, which included 5 brand new tracks available for FREE. Yes all his music is available for free which is even cooler. I promise if you download this CD and listen to the 5 songs you will understand why I believe he is going to be the next big thing in rap music. (Download the CD here)

Below are a few videos you will want to check out to get to know him a little bit more, and a few of my other favorite songs from his previous albums.
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You can take this detailed chart however you want. For some people you will use this as a way of life, and totally transform yourself into the ultimate hipster. Main point, BROOKLYN BROOKLYN BROOKLYN. But for me I am going to use this important guide as a “How To Spot An Asshole”. With all this knowledge I will now know who to immediately make fun of and throw rocks at when they ride past me on their fixed gear bike blasting The Smiths CD on a 1984 boom box.

So this is pretty much how it went down. Everyone was telling people they had to listen to Arcade Fire and they were an awesome band. A lot of people did listen to them but they pretty much stayed somewhat out of the spotlight, aka they were still cool. They just won best album of the year now are getting very big and being blasted on the radio left and right, aka not cool anymore, I liked Arcade Fire before they won best album of the year at the Grammy’s, says me in my best snotty hispter voice I can imitate. Well if you still don’t know who Arcade Fire, you better learn quick, unless you want this to happen to you, see below.

I can’t tell you what these are from, or who made them, because the site I saw them on was in some sort of language that I think went extinct 500 years ago. So here is my description of these illustrations, monkeys in different human styles. There you go, all done, I’m on fire today. On a serious note these things are pretty awesome, and weird as shit too. Now excuse me while I go back to sleigh riding and drinking 151 out of a Gatorade bottle. (click on images to enlarge)

More creepy monkeys below
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We haven’t made fun of hipsters in a while here so I guess it’s about that time again. Here is a really popular internet meme, the hipster cat. If you are not familiar pretty much it is just a cat dressed up as a hipster with hilarious hipster sayings attached, pretty straight forward. Alright well good talk, enjoy the hipster cats, see you out there.

A bunch more of Hipster Cat below
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I wrote an article a few months back where I pretty much aired out my hate for brand whores, and people who have a problem being themselves. The obsession with taking things we loved as kids, and making them somehow cool and hipster hurts me to the point I cant even look at these people with a straight face. I guess someone else felt as strongly about this as I did, and made a pretty cool art project out of it. I present to you, our generations kids. Brand Whore Babies. Well thats something to look forward to. Not.

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So obviously by now you can tell we like making fun of hipsters and their style, what can we say they are an easy target, it’s not like they can beat us up. So in this edition we take a look at the thought of if super heros were hipsters brought to you by the guys over at college humor.

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As much as I would love to tell all of you that these were done by kids at an elementary school, and that the youth of America is finally picking up on how ridiculous hipsters are, I can’t. They were done by Molly Lewis the artist formerly known as sweetafton23 (http://sweetafton23.com/) who does some great nerdy songs about Mr T, My Space, stalking astronauts, and peeps. She’s Molly23 on Twitter (where she posted the pics of them first).” I don’t see how you can not laugh at a dinosaur rocking tight cut off jean shorts a flanel smoking American Spirit cigs while drinking a pbr and talking about Elliot Smith.

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