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Beat the heat with shallow diving.

09 Jun 2011, written by ZootPatrol.com 0 Comments


DONT TRY THIS AT HOME. YOU WILL DEFINITELY BREAK YOUR NECK! Darren Taylor is a world record shallow diver. Diving from 36ft up into 12 inches of water, he is definitely a pro. He’s more pro at yelling how glorious he his after the dive though. To beat today’s heat in NJ I think I’m going to start my shallow dive career off by jumping off a milk crate into a kiddy pool from walmart with a case of a beers, wrap an american flag towel around myself and scream how great I feel. Thats a nice day.

Don’t dive like this dude.

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George Michael’s “Careless Whisper” Performed In Public By The Sexiest Sax Player On Earth

11 Mar 2011, written by Revelation 0 Comments

If you are not familiar with the song Careless Whisper by George Michael, you will recognize it as soon as you play the video below. It has a famous saxophone melody that makes you just want to start making passionate love. That is all great to hear when you are with your significant other in the bedroom, but this guy decides to go out in public and serenade random people, whether they like it or not, HILARIOUS. This is a beautiful way to end the week.


More hilarious behind the scenes footage below

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The Best Of Successful Black Man Meme

02 Mar 2011, written by Revelation

While we don’t condone racism at all here at zoot, we did find the humor in the successful black man meme. Successful Black Man is an image macro series featuring a black man dressed in business attire and a witty one-liner satirizing the stereotype of young African American males as street hustlers or gangsters who only care about cars, moneys and hos. The humor is mostly derived from the intentional line break in mid-sentence, with the top line impersonating a black male stereotype (EX: I Got the Best Hos’) and the bottom line suddenly falling flat in character (EX: Out in My Tool Shed). While some idiots will create down right racist and not funny at all posters, here is a collection of some really creative and hilarious ones, enjoy.

More hilarious successful black guy posters below
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Cheerleader Goes Ballistic Celebrating Win

01 Mar 2011, written by Revelation

This is one of those videos that just gets better and better every second it goes on. The quality isn’t the best but it does the job, and the two kids stoned and laughing their ass in the background do a good job of pausing and playing the video at great moments, really capturing this psycho’s excitement. I wish I got this excited for certain things, but until then, I will let this girl and the Memphis cheerleading squad, shine in their mosh pitting celebration, because these girls really are WINNING. (charlie sheen voice)

death metal mosh remix below
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Skinny Girls Gone Fat

01 Mar 2011, written by Revelation

Now I don’t mean to be mean, and I guess this post is kind of mean, but whatever its cool to see skinny chicks just let go eat tons of bacon, and put the pounds on. What you should really take from this post instead of saying, “holy crap that girl got big.”, is that you should never be mean to big girls. While yes, big girls might not be your thing, that is fine, but this is proof that big girls can drop a few pounds and become smoking hot, there are hot girls hidden under the fat in some cases. And not only will they become smoking hot after the weight reduction, but they will be cool, because 90% of big girls are cool and fun, because they pretty much have to or else no one will talk to them, so enjoy, I love you big girls.

Many more skinny chicks who blew past adding the freshman 15 and went all out.
(more…)

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Jimmy Kimmel’s Hottie Body Hump Club

28 Feb 2011, written by Revelation

When you have a video with Emily Blunt, Scarlet Johansson, Kelly Ripa, Eva Longoria, Minka Kelly, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Sofia Vergara, and Lindsay Lohan humping big balls, you can’t really go wrong. Here is the latest sketch video from Jimmy Kimmel’s tonight show full of hilariousness. Jessica Biel is definitely the best in this video, her straight face humping is pretty amazing, I like her even more now, if that is even possible.

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Killing In The Name Of A Marching Band

24 Feb 2011, written by Revelation

Although marching band’s get made fun of a lot by the media, they are pretty awesome if you think about it. They are a fraternity of hundreds of kids deep, they get front row for every major sports game, as well as being able to travel with the team, and they get to jam out all day in which some of the kids actually get scholarships for. Doesn’t sound so bad to me, and supposedly band chicks are freaks in the bed, that is just what I’ve heard though. This video below shows George Mason’s Green Machine marching band and how awesome school bands can be if the right song is chosen, and you can see how excited they are, especially the creature in the front with the red shirt, geez chill out sparky.

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The Hipster How-To Chart

24 Feb 2011, written by Revelation


(click to enlarge)

You can take this detailed chart however you want. For some people you will use this as a way of life, and totally transform yourself into the ultimate hipster. Main point, BROOKLYN BROOKLYN BROOKLYN. But for me I am going to use this important guide as a “How To Spot An Asshole”. With all this knowledge I will now know who to immediately make fun of and throw rocks at when they ride past me on their fixed gear bike blasting The Smiths CD on a 1984 boom box.

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You Better Know Who Arcade Fire Is

22 Feb 2011, written by Revelation

So this is pretty much how it went down. Everyone was telling people they had to listen to Arcade Fire and they were an awesome band. A lot of people did listen to them but they pretty much stayed somewhat out of the spotlight, aka they were still cool. They just won best album of the year now are getting very big and being blasted on the radio left and right, aka not cool anymore, I liked Arcade Fire before they won best album of the year at the Grammy’s, says me in my best snotty hispter voice I can imitate. Well if you still don’t know who Arcade Fire, you better learn quick, unless you want this to happen to you, see below.

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Brawling, The Next Big Team Sport?

15 Feb 2011, written by ZootPatrol.com


UFC is huge right? Violent sports like football and hockey are huge with their undertones of physical combat? Then what are we waiting for? It’s time to make brawling a controlled sport. It’s as simple as several referees, a massive closed in mat and teams of fighters. This hockey game is proof it needs to be developed. You most likely have heard or seen pieces of this already especially if your from the tri-state, but recently the worst team in hockey, the New York Islanders brought hockey back to it’s roots with 3 periods of straight brawling with the Pittsburgh Penguins. This stems from a Feb 2nd meeting of the two teams in which the Islander’s goalie got dropped in one punch by the Penguins goalie and there was also another very cheap hit that gave an Islander player a concussion. This game from Feb 11th was the Islanders retaliation. This 17 min video catches all the highlights, well put together by AGreatDayForHockey87 on Youtube.

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