Women say a lot with their underwear. Unfortunately, they say a lot with their mouths, too. KIDDING! Back to the underpants. If you’re not familiar with women’s underwear, this guide is meant to help you out. All of us here at Zoot are total Casanova’s (and/or laundry thieves) so we were easily able to pool our weekend research and come up with a handy list of what a woman’s undergarments are trying to tell you. They’re listed in a kind of handy relationship timeline. Follow along closely, virgins.
Congratulations, you bagged a stripper. I’ve only ever seen a pair of these on a woman twice, and both times, I spent all my money. Chances are, when you take a woman home and she’s wearing a pair of these, she’ll tell you “I don’t normally do this”. She’s lying. Follow through, but be careful. If you’re nice to her, or just the right kind of mean, you’ll get to see her in a thong.
You’ve gone just beyond booty call and now you’re the most frequently dialed number in her phone after midnight. These say “Treat me like we’re in a cinemax movie.” These don’t get frequent play, because they look only slightly more comfortable than the aforementioned vagina-floss style panties.
Continue the panty timeline below