Having hair is pretty awesome, I’m lucky enough to still have a full head of hair even though I’m starting to get more gray hairs on the side of my head then Paulie Gualtieri from the Sopranos. When you have a nice head of hair why not take advantage of it and show the world how insane you are with a bizarre haircut, that’s always cool, here are the top 10 athletes that took advantage of the freedom of the haircut.
Scot Pollard, retired NBA player. The man with the most bizarre haircuts during his whole NBA career. Here with a tiny blond (or orange) Mohawk.
I vowed a while back that I would never call him by his real name and would only refer to him as Fat Pippen, because that’s what he is, a fat sidekick. For our new readers I am referring to LeBron James, and he is turning to Nike, like Tiger Woods did, to rebuild his image. We weighed in on his decision here, and why it was a terrible one, and he is still whining like a fat balding baby, seriously he is balding faster than a un-watered Chia Pet.
If you’re keeping count, there’s a Decision reference in that ad, a nod to the time he left his local high school for a stronger program in Akron as a teen, a Charles Barkley (“hi Chuck!”) reference, a Miami Vice redux with Don Johnson in tow (what, Nike could meet Philip Michael Thomas’ demands?), and James also gets to dress up like a cowboy, a beatnik, and a construction worker. And then he tries to get us to feel sorry for him because we judged him by our own set of values this summer.
LeBron? You still screwed up. You did the right thing going to the better team and taking less money to do it, but you completely and utterly blew the execution behind the whole move. You listened to your friends (because, as the ad states, “they’re [your] friends”), and your friends led you astray. This is pretty much how it’s always gone for every narcissist, in whatever forum, that surrounded themselves with yes-men.
Tiger Woods returns to the Masters this week, and there has been a ton of buzz around him for obvious reasons. No one will ever forget the drama that filled the end of 2009 for Tiger, and his many, many affairs. He was dropped by many of his endorsors but Nike stuck with him. I like that from Nike, but Im not to sure how I feel about this new commercial. I dont really think that they need to bring his late father into the mix, with a call from heaven about how its wrong to cheat on your wife. Everyone knows that already, and the text messages that surfaced are proof enough that Tiger isnt the best husband. What do you think of the new commercial?
Unless you dont have a TV (I dont), internet, or access to a news paper, then you must know that Tiger Woods is not the golden boy the world thought he was. His sexual escapades have been well documented and he recently just gave his first interview since checking himself into rehab…for sex. Thanks to the dudes at Deadspin, we got a chance to see some of Tigers text messages that he had been sending to his pornstar mistress Joslyn James. One bit of advice while reading these, imagine it as if Tiger himself is saying them. It will make them all that much better.
10. Tiger:Sent: 06:02 PM 10/01/2009:
Baby im not going anywhere or doing anything. You please me like no other has or ever will. I’m not losing that. You have to understand people love to talk about me. sometimes its good and sometimes its bad. I have learned to just roll with it no matter how much it upsets me when its not true. My life is a fish bowl
9. Tiger:Sent: 12:08 PM 10/04/2009:
Don’t F@#king talk to me. You almost just ruined my whole life. If my agent and these guys would have seen you there, Fuck
8. Tiger:Sent: 03:42 PM 09/08/2009:
Hurry so i come in that ass
7. Tiger:Sent: 05:26 PM 08/29/2009:
Next time i see you, you better beg and if you don’t do it right i will slap, spank, bite and fuck you till mercy
6. Tiger:Sent: 04:53 PM 08/29/2009:
I know you have tried every positing imaginable but what turns you on besides a dp
5. Tiger:Sent: 05:15 PM 08/29/2009:
I want you to beg for my c@#k. Kiss you all over to convince me to let you have it in your mouth
4. Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the F#%k up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise
3. Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and F%$k that ass that i own
2. Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my c#@k in your ass and then shove it down your throat
1. Tiger:Sent: 01:28 PM 09/08/2009:
Have you ever had a golden shower done to you
Here is a collection of sculptures made entirely from butter. The funny part about these is there are a few that are just hilarious when you take a closer look. I’m not saying I could do any better but some are just bad. The Charlie Brown characters are pretty accurate aside from making the one black character actually black, a little unnecessary if you ask me. Then there is the Marilyn Monroe sculpture that looks like Liza Minnelli, give Monroe a little bit more respect geez. Then my favorite is the Tiger Woods sculpture at the end. First off it looks nothing like Tiger Woods. Secondly he is holding a leash with an actual tiger attached to it, which is a little ridiculous. Then placed nicely to the side of him is his balls, which in reality have been removed and claimed by his wife Elin, so fitting.
Elin Woods, I feel for you. Getting cheated on is the most sickening feeling I’ve ever felt. Not only do you feel absolutely betrayed, but you view yourself as completely worthless. I remember how stupid I was with my first ‘real’ girlfriend. It makes me ill to remember the person I was while dating her. What a vagina. We once had a phone conversation during the winter break of my freshman year of college that went a little something like this.
Ricky: I hope you like those flowers I sent to your house. I sent them on a Monday so all your girlies could be jealous all week. Where are ya? Are you on the treadmill? You sound winded.
Pookie: O, just at a friend’s place.
Ricky: Are you at Cindy’s or Jess’?
Ricky: Well where are you sills nills?
Pookie: I’m actually at Dusty’s. He threatened to kill himself again if I didn’t see him. I’m the only one who can make him feel better.
Ricky: O…I don’t really like you going over to your ex-boyfriend’s, but I trust you. Tell him to feel better. When can I meet him? I know he’s still one of your best friends.
(4-5 second silence)
Ricky: Hello? Hello? Pooks?
Dusty: Hey man this is Dusty. Listen, Pookie doesn’t want to be with you anymore. She’s back with me now.
Ricky: What? We just made sweet love last week after the holiday cruise. I don’t believe you!
Dustin: Love? That’s funny. I mean it’s cute and all, but we just fucked.
Ricky: (bitchy crying voice) Why are you doing this?
Pookie: Ricky look…we had sex a bunch of times. What did you think, I was going to marry you? We’re not together anymore. I want to be with Dusty.