I vowed a while back that I would never call him by his real name and would only refer to him as Fat Pippen, because that’s what he is, a fat sidekick. For our new readers I am referring to LeBron James, and he is turning to Nike, like Tiger Woods did, to rebuild his image. We weighed in on his decision here, and why it was a terrible one, and he is still whining like a fat balding baby, seriously he is balding faster than a un-watered Chia Pet.

If you’re keeping count, there’s a Decision reference in that ad, a nod to the time he left his local high school for a stronger program in Akron as a teen, a Charles Barkley (“hi Chuck!”) reference, a Miami Vice redux with Don Johnson in tow (what, Nike could meet Philip Michael Thomas’ demands?), and James also gets to dress up like a cowboy, a beatnik, and a construction worker. And then he tries to get us to feel sorry for him because we judged him by our own set of values this summer.

LeBron? You still screwed up. You did the right thing going to the better team and taking less money to do it, but you completely and utterly blew the execution behind the whole move. You listened to your friends (because, as the ad states, “they’re [your] friends”), and your friends led you astray. This is pretty much how it’s always gone for every narcissist, in whatever forum, that surrounded themselves with yes-men.

This video brings me back to the glory days of watching the movie Rad pretty much every day, especially the Send Me An Angel scene which was classic. I wish Bart Taylor and the Reynolds twins would crash the next party I’m at riding their bikes through the place just destroying everything while the Reynolds twins do their famous cock pushup move on the girl I’m trying to hit on. Anyway, check this video of Tim Knoll on his BMX ripping it up, gnarley stamp of approval on this one.

Tim Knoll BMX from tim knoll on Vimeo.

By now you obviously know that the Onion is a fake news station, but their stuff is golden. There latest report explains how the majority of Americans get most of their exercise while drunk, and it actually makes a lot of sense. When you’re shitfaced you tend to dance like an animal thinking your moves are Michael Jacksonish, you do pull up and push up contests in the street, and in general run around like an idiot. Just about every time I am on the subway coming home from New York chances are there is at least one drunk douche doing pull ups while bombed, usually it’s one of my friends.

We have glorified freestyle running, parkour, free running, whatever you want to call it many times before. I am too lazy to link all the previous posts so you just have to trust me on this one. Anyway when done right free running is pretty bad ass jumping from building to building like spiderman looking like an original Peter Parker. These videos are usually edited in great detail and put together with some killer music. What these awesome videos fail to show you are all the brutal falls and crashes that don’t make it into the video. Long story short, don’t free run or you will probably die. (as shown below)

Our favorite graffiti artist is back at it again. Renegade British street artist Banksy goes mainstream (sorta) with these opening credits he storyboarded and directed for this week’s episode of The Simpsons. While reiterating something that everyone has already known, it has a great effect of slapping the truth on someone getting ready for 30 minutes of laughter. Banksy wins again.

Surf wear maker Rip Curl recently teamed up with Timeslice Films for an ambitious project of shooting surfers in “bullet-time“, the effect that many people first saw in The Matrix. They used a crazy camera array of 52 Canon Rebel DSLRs in order to capture the same shot from 52 different angles, stringing them together for the final footage.

Thank god Justin Bieber is a 51 year old pedophile. I was starting to get depressed with the thought that a 10 year old boy with a dyke cut was getting more action than I am. This news report will explain everything you need to know, very shocking stuff.

Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile

VIA

If you miss Conan O’Brien as much as we do, then you are probably really starting to have withdrawals like us. Luckily he is starting to take questions from people and then answer them with a video response. Of course they are hilarious and awesome. Below is a video response from Conan on a question asking him what his favorite sandwich was that he got to try on his time off from television. Conan not only answers the question, but gives a tutorial on how to make this tasty sandwich, prepare to laugh your ass off. Reminder Conan returns November 8th on TBS, THANK GOD.

This makes me feel old. One day when someone finally cracks time travel, I’m going straight back to the 90s. Here is a nice little quick mix of all things 90′s set to a solid 90′s track, cowabunga dude.