When our parents’ generation was smoking dope, eating magic mushrooms, and tripping balls on acid, they were just being a bunch of crazy kids. Kids today are another story. Kids today are saying: “Pffft… Screw Acid. I’m going to pour vodka straight into my eyeball!” Instead of puffing doobies, or even huffing glue, kids today are digging their little hands into the toilet bowl and getting high off their own poop. I am alarmed by the recreational activities of our “children of tomorrow,” these are our future doctors and lawyers and candlestick makers for god’s sake! Here is a list of some of the exceptionally stupid shit the kids of today are doing.

1. Jenkem

“Pass the butt-hash man, it’s the shit!” Literally. For a “powerful high”, you don’t need a drug dealer. You’ve got the good stuff right inside, just waiting to pass through your digestive system and right out your brown hole. Inhaling fermented feces and urine (a.k.a. Jenkem) is the third most popular drug (the first being pot “Dagga”, the second glue) among Zambian street kids
, who use the city’s sewage ponds to brew the drug.

7 more stupid things kids are doing below

2. Vodka EyeBalling

If drinking alcohol seems too tedious and time-consuming, a waste of precious slosh-time, vodka eyeballing advocates (stupid kids) claim that pouring vodka in your eye will make you drunk faster. According to their logic, vodka will pass through the mucous membrane of the eye and enter the bloodstream, directly through the veins in your eyes. Thankfully, medical experts aren’t buying the fast drunk theory.

3. Starfish

Apparently, some Polish teens are engaging in “Starfish” gang bangs. 5-10 girls position themselves into a starfish. Guys go around inserting their shlongs into each girl like an ATM machine. The last guy to cum wins. Everyone wins a little something though. A little something called an STD.

4. Punching Each Other in the Face. For Fun

You’re not in Fight Club morons, chill out.

5. Fence Plowing

A popular teen craze, with many reported cases occurring in Long Island, is fence plowing. As the name suggests, you pick a fence, typically a wooden one, and run towards it with all your might. You make like a human missile, launch your body through the wood and hopefully manage to break it. It hurts you. Everyone laughs. You’re the man.

6. Garage Jumping

A few years ago teenagers in Orlando, Fla., were leaping between 80-foot high public parking garages as part of a new teen trend called “garage jumping”. Tim Bargfrede was one kid who didn’t quite make it. He injured himself badly, along with about five other kids.

7. Vodka-Soaked Tampons

Yet another method of “getting drunk fast” is through a vodka-soaked tampon. Women soak their tampons in vodka and then insert them into their vagina. Men can also take part in the action, by inserting the fire water directly into their rectum.

8. Sack Tapping

A painful game played among young males, they find creative ways to punch, kick and slap each other in the groin area. An msnbc.com poll of 100 urologists
, conducted by Truth On Call, showed that 30 percent of the doctors had seen or treated pre-teen and teen boys for testicular trauma in the past year, including severe injuries caused by so-called “sack-tapping”.

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