I think we have all played madden, and the first thing you usually do when picking a your team is check out the player ratings of your favorite players. Lately player rating have become really serious. Take for example the latest Tony Parker cheating scandal. EA Sports video game NBA 2k11 rated Parker’s loyalty at 87, after the cheating scandal EA updated Parker’s loyalty rating to a whopping 0, yes they gave him a 0 loyalty rating for fucking Brent Barry’s wife. I enjoy the realistic attention these ratings are getting but I think they should add in other player ratings for certain players, like these. (P.S. I’m a Redskins fan and I want to publically say, “Fuck you Fat Albert, I hate you and I want the 100 million dollars back our team gave you for playing like a fat retard and making our defense worse, thanks dude.”)
More truthful player ratings below
So we covered the original hover hand picture seen here if you missed it. The hover hand move is pretty much when a guy is to nervous to actual place his hand on the girl and let’s it hover her body awkwardly. It’s the only surefire way to tell if someone is actually a man… You see, a real man would place their hands on the velvety figure of a lady… But a virgin? They’d just have their hand hover awkwardly over the person they are taking a picture with. Hence forth… The hand hover. Here is a nice collection of the hover hand in action and they rule.
more nerdtastic hover hand moves below
The guys over at College Humor put together another hilarious video demonstrating a truthful advertisement for graduate school. With the job market the way it is tons of kids are coming out of college and going right back into school, mostly for the reason they can’t find a job. I have a ton of friends that are going to grad school now so I thought this was especially funny since the reasons given are mostly on point with my dead beat friends, so we present you the truth about grad school aka “Learn how to avoid the real world.”
‘Tis the season to get wasted. It’s the time of parties and consequently, a ton of booze coming in a range of delicious traditional and festive forms. Guzzle up and avoid making these potentially catastrophic decisions while feeling warm and full of holiday beer, er, cheer, ahh fuck I’m drunk at work again.
8 Signing up for a credit card
Over-sized stadiums are the perfect places for credit card companies to find their prey. “Want this Bears beach towel — even though it’s shitty and it’ll be negative eleven degrees outside for the next three months? Sign up for a credit card! All you have to do is give me your autograph!” Jot down your info and get prepped to be bombarded with junk mail, phone calls, and mysterious statements for your foreseeable future.
Of course I think every man can agree that not wearing a condom is a lot better than having to strap on a piece of rubber, that is not really a debate, but it is something we all have to do. No one wants to have a kid at 14 years old or have their pride and joy body part look like a hot dog that was left on the grill for 9 hours. So Durex, the famous condom company, has tried to put humor and creativity into their ads, which they have done a great job, to promote condom wearing. Be smart wrap it up idiots, and if you missed it here is part 1 we did a while back with a bunch more awesome condom ads.
More awesome ads below
Confucius was a Chinese thinker and social philosopher of the Spring and Autumn Period during the Zhou Dynasty reign. His philosophy emphasized personal and governmental morality, correctness of social relationships, justice and sincerity (thanks wikipedia). These pieces of wisdom come straight from Confucius, he literally left all these wise bundles of advice in a voicemail to me the other day, he sounded shitfaced and since I got the missed call at 4:30 a.m. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t all there, but regardless these are some pretty solid points, hilarious as well.
More super knowledge that will blow your mind below
If you don’t know by now we here at zoot like dogs, why? O I don’t know maybe because they are only man’s best friend and do awesome stuff like smile, dance, get their owners beers, and actually give a shit about their owner unlike cats. Seriously if you like cats more than dogs then you’re probably single, living in a basement with chicken wing sauce stains on your tank top (what that has to do with liking cats I have no idea.) Here is reason #8724024984 on why dogs rule, they smile like bosses do, here are 11 examples.
9 more examples of boss dog smiling below
Stealing your neighbors internet connection is as American as apple pie. When I was in college living in the city I had internet access 24/7 thanks to all the idiots in my area that wouldn’t lock their internet connection giving me free access. There is one server I would always connect to which was called “mormon prostitute” true story. Here are 10 awesome wifi network names.
More network names below
So I meant to post this last week so I’m a little late, but regardless it is a must watch. We wet our pants watching this profanity-filled review of “the most difficult game ever created”, QWOP. We wish you luck getting the runner to the 100-meter mark.
Kevin Bacon is the man, not only because he has the coolest first name ever “Kevin” but because he is hilarious. In this commercial for Logitech and Google TV, Kevin Bacon plays an obsessed Kevin bacon fan and hilarity ensues, one of the better commercials I’ve seen in a while.