I want to start out by first saying I didn’t mean to offend or make fun of handicapped people whatsoever with my costume. I had a lot of people legit mad at me when they found out I wasn’t really handicapped, it was all in fun, and come on it’s Halloween give me a break here. With that said this year’s costume, being the great Lieutenant Dan from the movie Forrest Gump, was the best costume I ever put together, and that’s saying a lot because I have had a few good ones.
Friday Costume Contest Mishap
So Friday we went to 46 Lounge and it was a great time, everyone there was really nice with making way for me in my wheelchair. They had a costume contest which I was entered in the “most original” category. They would bring everyone up onto the stage which was a 10′x10′ about 1 foot off the ground. They would announce each person and eliminate them by crowd applause so they would save the best for last, to make it easier for the crowd to decide. So when they got to me there was only 3 of us left. They announced “Lieutenant DANNNNNNNN” and I thought it would be a great idea to pop a wheelie to show off my moves. Welllllll that sounded better on paper and since I only had about 3 hours of actual time in a wheel chair I over shot my wheelie attempt horribly and flew back off the stage (pictures below). In the end it was hilarious and a still managed to take home the win and the cash prize, it was decent.
Story and pics continue below
So a few weeks ago a friend of mine put up a status on facebook saying “You’re a dbag if:_____________?” Of course people quickly added their personal opinions on what constitutes on being a dbag. While the obvious reasons are stated like looking or acting like a character from the Jersey Shore show is a given, there are some others that I found pretty funny, for instance, if you’re Fred Flinstone, you’re a dbag, why? I dunno why but it’s funny. Check out the whole thread below.
Check out the other 40 plus comments in the thread below.
I don’t think anyone is arguing that college is the best place ever invented. If you didn’t have a good time at college then something is clearly wrong with you and you should go to the stick out of your ass, shit I would have of had a blast if I attended the community college in my town. The downside of college is the actually learning and having to go to class part, I guess that’s why some people actually go to college though. While most of us took the generic classes with maybe a ball room dancing course thrown in, there are some colleges that offer some bizarre courses. I wish I was able to take Alien Sex 101 and Arguing with Judge Judy 230 my senior year.
1. Mail Order Brides: Understanding the Philippines in Southeast Asian Context Johns Hopkins University
This class is designed to “help explain the stereotyping of Filipino women.”
2. Maple Syrup: The Real Thing Alfred University
The course description reads, “the method of producing maple syrup is one of the things in our society that has endured even in today’s culture of constant change.”
3. Philosophy and Star Trek: Georgetown University
Could there be a better way to learn philosophy, or better question, could there be a worse way?
4. Star Trek and Religion: Indiana University
The course is described as “an introduction to the critical study of religion by way of popular culture.”
5. The Phallus: Occidental College
As you know we have covered a bunch of ridiculous and awesome festivals during our time here at zoot. From the Day of the Goose festival (my favorite) to the 6 parties/festivals you need to visit before you die. Here is another collection of some intense bizarre festivals that would be a great time for anyone.
1. The Battle of the Oranges, Ivrea, Italy
Every year at the end of February, the small northern Italian town of Ivrea comes under fruit attack during the Battle of the Oranges. Thousands come from far and wide to take part in the annual Carnevale di Ivrea, and it’s safe to say that no one leaves untouched by pulp. Participants are divided into teams in carriages, who ride through the town and represent the emperor’s men, and teams on foot, which stay on the ground and represent the commoners. All, of course, are in full costume and armed with arance.
If you live in New York you most likely saw or know of the towering beams of light which are illuminated from the site of The World Trade during the 9/11 anniversary. When they were lit up this past weekend onlookers saw something other than just the lights. Up to 10,000 migrating birds were “trapped” within the beams light. New York City is right in the middle of a large migratory bird corridor during the fall months. Migratory birds use the stars as part of their natural navigation system and on an overcast night in NYC with no star light, the birds were drawn to the light of the beams. During the fall the Audubon society works with the city to ensure the lights of the tallest buildings are off during the evening to help avoid this problem. The memorial lights were turned off for 20 minutes so the birds would release back on their journey. Help a bird out and turn your lights off in NYC.
You have seen her before. Black stringy hair, pale skin, coke bottle glasses. She is greasy and wasted. Her nipples showing through her Urban Outfitter tank top. She smokes American Spirit cigarettes and thinks she is too fucking cool for school. You think to yourself “What would it take to fuck this chick?” ,”I’m not nearly as cool as her.” Think again!! She is actually very easy to manipulate into the face down, ass up position as long as you know the right things to say. Hipster sluts only care about parties and bullshit and getting ahead in the party scene. If you make her feeble mind think that you are cool and important you might even get to cum on her face and/or her anchor tattoos. Maybe even wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy.
10. Tell her you work at American Apparel and receive a super rad 50% discount.
Hipster sluts love skanky, overpriced clothing. American Apparel is the mecca of super cool, coochie hugging pants. Their advertisements look like a 13 year old girls first foray into porn and are the inspiration of hipster chicks facebook photos. If you tell her you can get her into the newest nylon scoop back pencil dress for less, you will definitely get her out of her gold lame pants right then and there.
9. Grow a mustache or a beard.
Facial hair. The golden ticket. If you have a burly beard or a creepy looking mustache chances are you will be giving free mustache rides to the whole Lower East Side. Bonus points if you wear a flannel shirt and look like a child molester.
If there is one thing that we truly excel at, it’s drinking. America may not be at the top of the list of Most Drunk Countries right now but that’s only because we’re all seasoned enough to not kick the bucket from something named waragi and the World Health Organization data doesn’t factor in American creativity, thirst, and complete lack of shame. Here’s some of the ways we use our best qualities to their greatest effect – getting absolutely shitfaced in public. Click on the title of each product to buy.
1. Wine Rack – $30
Do we really need to explain why a miracle bra made of booze is awesome? At least by the end of the night you’ll be so smashed from drinking from her cans that you won’t feel so lied to.
2. Kooler Club – $50
Fastest way to improve your golf game? Screw golf lessons, and adjust your buddies BAC. Guaranteed to bring a hole in one to accessible levels. But only on the course, you’re not Tiger Woods.
We have covered the spread of the game Bro’s Icing Bro’s here before. Well if you happened to be harassed with this vicious attack on all that is good with imbibing at your local watering hole, house party, kegger, crawl, social event, etc… our suggestion is to punch the guy in his uterus. I’m kidding. What you should do is take that drink in hand, reply “I don’t like this thing and here’s what I’m doing with it” (but don’t toss it out a window) and then smoothly ARM CRUSH that S.O.B. This incredibly strong maneuver will forever remove you from their silly game. It’s exactly like the “do not call” list. The 550 ARM CRUSH is the new way to post up and crush a beer. This pose is the ultimate bad ass stature and would make a beautiful image with any cool backdrop. For instance I am going to go sky diving this weekend, and when I’m mid flight I’m going to rip out a Guinness and ARM CRUSHHHHHHH, tell me that picture won’t be awesome. There is no real rules, you can use whatever drink you want, thank god, and you can balance the drink on your bicep or forearm, whatever works really. Here is a collection of people arm crushing, and don’t act like your not going to start doing this every time you have a beer in your hand. You can check out the official website for more arm crushes here as well.
Click below to see more awesome arm crushing pics, they rule.
2010 represents one of the biggest free agent markets in the history of the NBA. Leading the charge is none other than LeBron James. The rest of the list includes Joe Johnson, Ray Allen, Manu Ginobili, Marcus Camby,Tracey McGrady, Shaquille O’Neal, Brad Miller, Stephen Jackson, Jermaine O’Neal, Mike Miller, Rip Hamilton, Yao Ming, Amare Stoudamire, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, Dirk Nowitzki, Josh Howard, Mike Redd, and Tyson Chandler just to name a few, damn this is going to be a crazy off season. So to play on the free agent market of the past we bring you the 10 worst free agent signing in the past ten years, which I’m sure someone in this 2010 group will join sadly.
Darius Miles had so much potential that many teams were dying to get their hands on him. The thought was “What’s he going to be like in his prime?” Too bad he peaked in his early twenties. The Portland Trail Blazers scooped him up after the 2004 season with a six-year, $48 million deal at the tender age of 22. You know what he did for them? He gave them two half seasons filled with controversy – which included cursing out his coach, challenging him to a fight and violating the league’s substance abuse policy – before suffering a career ending knee injury. The Blazers record during his stint? 47 – 113. Yikes.
With graduation just around the corner, college seniors are thinking about the future. Sure, there are always the standard career choices—doctor, lawyer, teacher—but there are plenty of other options no one ever hears about. Some sound tempting, like a professional waterslide tester, while others will make you count your blessings (ahem, odor tester?). So whether you’re just starting out on your career path or daydreaming about greener pastures, check out the 15 jobs you never knew existed.
1. Odor Tester
Think your job stinks? Try being an odor tester. These employees test the efficacy of deodorants and antiperspirants by sniffing subjects’ armpits. Thanks to all of their nosing around, we’re spared the results of faulty products.
2. IMAX Screen Cleaner
The magnificent, larger-than-life images on IMAX screens wouldn’t be quite as powerful if they were cloaked in a layer of dirt and dust. Luckily, there are companies dedicated to keeping your viewing experience crystal clear. According to Michael Quaranto, cofounder of IMAX screen cleaning company 1570 Cinema Services, the biggest challenge to keeping the screens clean is making sure they’re dust-free (they are so dusty, cleaners usually have to empty their vacuum two or three times per screen).